So often I feel guilty. 
I feel sorry for my children. 
I feel like a bad parent.
And here is why. 
These are the LIES I often find Satan trying to convince me of:
"If you didn't have all these kids maybe you could afford to do nice things for one or two of them."
"Your children are so deprived because you don't have them in sports/extracurricular activities."
"You do not let them do enough fun things" or "You don't take them on many fun trips."
"Your son is going to miss out because you never have enough time with just him."
"You have too many kids because you can't do fun crafts with them and entertain them like you would if you only had one or two."

And while there are some truths in those statements, most of it is an outright LIE that flies in the face of God's beautiful truth.

I realize that my children do not have the experiences that some other children have.  We cannot have all of our kids playing sports or doing an activity right now.  I cannot have regular craft time or science experiment time because it is way more work than I can deal with and by the time I get it all set up and try to patiently instruct one child another child has already gotten paint all over the floor, or put glue on the wall, etc.  Yes, I have let super readers teach the younger two the alphabet because I cannot sit down with them the way I did with Noah.  We cannot take nice vacations or little adventures like other families can. 

But you know what? 

Those "other" children will never experience the things my children will either.  They may never know the pure craziness and joy of having a bigger family.  They may never experience the madness and delight of having so many siblings to play and laugh with.  And they may underestimate the power of a sandbox, blocks, trains and movie nights courtesy of free rentals from the local library.  (I have to remind myself of this to keep from succumbing to the lies). 

Children are a blessing from the Lord, not a hindrance.  With each child, the blessing increases. 
Children need a mom and a dad who love them and will point them to Jesus.  There are so many things that our culture says they need, that is really just unnecessary stuff. 
And, you can make a lot of fun memories as a family in a simple fashion.

As their mom, I must keep my eyes on Jesus.  I need to be more concerned with instilling God's Truth in my children and raising them for His glory, rather than feeling the need to fit in with what all the other families are doing or entertaining my children.  I need to stop giving ear to the lies and enjoy what God has given me.  Each gift.

Here are a few pictures from our cookie decorating time on Saturday.  It ended up very messy.

Just to make you feel better....

This post is strictly for your entertainment.  Well, not strictly. God is clearly using this as a means of my sanctification.  Yes, this is exactly what happened today. 

This morning Kenneth had to leave the house at 5:30 am to speak to a football team.  I woke up, let the dogs out, made lunches, woke up the boys, got the kids’ clothes out, dressed each child, made breakfast, put dogs in their crates, loaded all the kids in the van and drove Noah to school.  Upon our return I could finally take a little break to clean up the kitchen before I had to take Aiden to school.

We are in the process of potty training Nathan so he has been running around the house with no pants on this week.  (He is doing quite well).  As we were waiting until it was time to take Aiden to school, the boys were playing with their racetrack in the living room.  Nathan was sitting on the slatted bench, which is over part of the racetrack.  All of a sudden I hear, “Mooom!  My race car has pee on it!” and a subsequent “Uh-oh!”

I look over and Nathan has peed while sitting on the bench.  It has run through the slats and gotten on part of the racetrack.  The cars are the kind you shake and then let go.  Of course this is what Aiden and Asa were doing at the time Nathan peed.  So the cars ran through the pee puddle and proceeded to drag the pee all around the track.  Pee was on the bench, on the carpet, and all over the toys. 

After cleaning up that mess we loaded into the van and got Aiden to school.  I then made what can only be labeled as the worst shopping trip ever.

I took Nathan and Asa to Wal-Mart to get groceries.  They have these new carts where two kiddos can sit side by side.  I actually love the new carts.  However, when Asa and Nathan are having a bad day, it can get REALLY bad quickly.  Totally happened today.

As I was shopping Asa was trying to pull everything off the shelves.  Everything.  He was grabbing stuff and throwing it into the cart.  When I got it out to put it back, something else would go in.  I was giving stern warnings, which scare the pants off Nathan, but are of no effect to Asa. I cannot spank him in the store, and I couldn’t just leave because we need the groceries and there is no other time I could go.  Each time I tell him to stop his behavior he just loudly screams “NO! Mommy!” and bats at the air like he is going to smack me across the face.  He gives me a dirty look and finishes with a lovely finger point (no, not the middle one).

The two boys then decided to start pulling each other and hitting.  Screaming ensued.  Nice.  Toward the end of the trip Asa started screaming an ear-piercing scream and Nathan followed suit.  At this point everyone in hearing distance stopped and stared at me.  It was that bad.  That loud.  And of course when you say stop, it just fuels the behavior.

He knew he was in big time trouble, but also knew he had an audience until I paid for the groceries. 

We then go to check out.  Of course no lines are open, with the exception of self-check out and one 10 items or less lane.  Awesome.  I’ve made the mistake of going to self-check out with Asa before.  Never again.  So, I loaded up my groceries on the counter.  Asa continued his antics.  He then bit Nathan so hard that Nathan was screaming in pain and panic.  I was furious!

To make matters just even more fantastic the cashier says, “Someone needs a spanking.  You need to get the devil out of that child.”  Then proceeds to reprimand me because the she has no room to fill bags because I haven’t taken the full bags and put them in my cart.  Seriously, lady?  Meanwhile, several people with 3 measly items are behind me giving me those evil looks because I clearly have more than 30 items and my children are acting like they need an exorcism.

And if that were not enough.  She then looks at Asa and says, “Are you keeping him?  Is he adopted?”  I wanted to go Fifty Shades of Mike Tyson on her but I was so angry that whatever would come out of my mouth would certainly NOT be good.  I said, “Yes, we adopted him.  He has been home 2 years.”  She then says, “I figured.” 

Can’t.handle.the.anger.

You better believe that once I got everything loaded into the car we drove straight to Kenneth at work so he could drive the foolishness out of Asa.  I was so angry there was no way I could discipline.

When we got home Asa decided he needed to potty.  Instead of going on the potty he opted to pull down his pants and pee all over the wall.  Still trying to think of the best way to get the pee smell out of drywall.

WARNING: Do not read the next part if you are weak in the stomach.

And if that were not enough.  As I was putting the boys down for their naps I caught Asa jumping on the bed.  I pulled down his pants, in the dark, and went to spank him.  MISTAKE.  He had pooped his pants.  Guess what I got a hand full of? 

I think my blood is still resting upon the roof somewhere.

In other news, I could not be more thankful for the Halloween candy in the pantry.  I have already taken several pieces of Asa’s chocolate  Pretty sure he owes me. 

Tell of His Mighty Deeds

Scripture instructs us to praise the LORD. 
In good times.
In tough times.

And right now, I just have to praise Him for His continued provision! 
He is ever good and ever faithful. 
ALL HIS WORK IS DONE IN FAITHFULNESS.

In the last 4 days we have had some big prayers answered, and some small ones too.  And by small, I mean things that are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  Things that don't really matter.

First I want to back up to last week.  God has provided a way for Kenneth and I to take the older two boys to Disney, but we are not having to pay for the tickets.  This was a very generous donation, and straight from the Lord because there is no way we could ever take our kids there.  This trip is a surprise for Noah and Aiden and we leave next week!  In preparation, I thought it would be fun to get shirts with mouse ears.  A few weeks back a friend of ours had a Mickey theme party for her daughter and her sister had made the exact shirts that I was picturing in my mind!  I asked if her sister could make us some shirts and I would pay her.  She agreed even though she said she doesn't feel confident enough to actually make them for other people.  When we got the shirts back, which are great, I asked her how much I owed.  She said something to the effect of, "Growing up my dad was a pastor.  So often God provided for our family through people leaving bags of vegetables on our door.  Please consider this my bag of vegetables."  I cannot tell you how much that blessed me.  The blessing for me was the testimony of God's faithfulness to this family and His continued provision for them.  How encouraging for me!

On Saturday our family was at my brother's college football game.  We knew this would be the last game we would ever see him play.  As the minutes wound down Kenneth said, "God, I would selfishly love to see him score a touchdown."  Just then guess who scores a touchdown?  My brother.  See, this is sorta silly.  But isn't it just fun when God grants our silliest, non-eternal, requests when we know that that is what they are?  It is as if God is just saying, "Hey, I love you.  And I can give you that little blessing just because." 

This weekend I also discovered that Noah has no clothes for this fall.  He had a couple of pairs of jeans, but no shirts.  My mom bought him some items, and I had a gift card that I was able to use to get a few things.  That was a blessing in and of itself.  We really do not have the budget to just go buy a bunch of clothes right now, so I was very thankful.  But then yesterday Kenneth came home carrying a bag of clothes that someone from church had dropped off for us.  When I opened it up there were several pairs of pants--in Noah's size!

I hesitate in a way to detail this last part.  Simply because I don't want to give off a wrong impression.  However, I do feel like I want to be as faithful as I can to proclaim the deeds of the Lord.  Hopefully it will encourage someone else going through a similar struggle.  Please know my heart that I say the following to praise God for His care.

Last night I was going over our budget.  We have some needs in a few areas.  This morning I talked with Kenneth about it and we prayed.  We thanked God for the ways He has always provided for us in the past, we praised Him that He will meet our needs and we asked that the Lord would show us what we need to do.  During my Bible study today I read the following commentary on Matthew 6:33, "We must put God first in our lives, and He will see to it that we always have all that we need."  How comforting to me after the last few days and after bringing our needs before Him this morning.  The crazy thing (not crazy with God) is that I am studying James 5 right now.  Not Matthew 6.  Just so happened that there was a cross reference and the commentary gave that insight.  So less than 30 minutes after I finished my Bible study I received a call from Kenneth.  He told me that he had just received a check out-of-nowhere that covers half of what we need!  In 7 hours God had already provided! 

My heart just delights in Him! 

I will admit that it is very humbling for me to experience His provision this way.  One of my greatest areas of struggle is worry over finances.  I also do not like to be dependent upon anyone for anything.  In my pride I don't want to put anyone out or take anything.  God is always humbling me by using others to meet our needs.  From loaning us a crib, to meals, to gift cards, to giving us hand-me-down clothes, diapers, baby supplies, groceries, cleaning supplies, free babysitting, a car, an I-pod for listening to sermons, money for the adoption....the list could go on and on and on.  I cannot express how humbling that is, and how ever grateful and mindful I am of all the ways so many people have blessed us.

To me, this is a beautiful picture of the Bride of Christ.  And a beautiful picture of God taking care of His beloved children.

Aiden has had one of his off weeks this past week.  Getting sent to the principal's office for spitting in a girl's face at school on Friday, several time-outs, do-overs, etc.  We usually go through this cycle.  We have a great few weeks and them BAM.  Terrible. 

Today he had a difficult time at church and continued to be disobedient at home.  He then pooped his pants, which was the last straw for me.  I told him that he was going to bed early and reminded him of his behavior over the last few days and his need of a heart change.

As I was bathing the younger two I hear Noah yell, "Mooom!  Aiden just said you were giving him away."  I called for Aiden to come into the bathroom.  He confirmed that he had said that to Noah.  I said, "Aiden, why would you say that we are giving you away?"  His response, "Because I do bad things." 

Yikes.
Big time.

My heart just broke.

I looked into his eyes and affirmed him, his place in our family, that we will always be his mommy and daddy, and all that stuff.  It seemed to assure him and comfort him. 

It blows my mind that even after over two years being in our home he STILL thinks that he can be bad enough that we would send him back to Africa.  I never realized that at the young age of 2 the loss and the pain would be so deep that it would still be ingrained in his mind and heart.

Lord, give me the wisdom, the patience and the grace to be the parent to all my boys, but especially in caring for these tender and wounded hearts.

An Ode to Asa

An Ode To Asa

The potty is the coolest place

I’m tellin ya, so you’ll you know

That if you would just poop in there

No tantrums would I throw

Why do you prefer your pants?

The kitchen floor or the yard?

And just yesterday the sandbox?

Child, is it really, seriously, this hard?

The underwear I always wash

They make my stomach churn

So we have tried everything,

Dear Child, when will you learn?

Just put your poop in the potty

Because that’s where it belongs you see

Now please repeat this simple phrase:

“The potty’s the place for me!”

“The potty’s the place for me!”

Aiden Goes to School

I know what you are thinking.  Cutest kid ever.  Yup.  Knew it.

Aiden has been pumped to go to 4K.  He has watched Noah go to school the past couple of weeks and he has been green with envy.  When I told him that his teacher was going to be Mrs. Mandy, Noah's teacher from last year, he was salivating with anticipation.  When I told him last week that he was finally going to get to go after Labor Day he got his backpack and almost refused to take it off.  

So, September 4 was the big day.  

The night before he gladly went to bed early, picked out his clothes, and put his backpack by the door.  He woke up in a great mood.

I was prepared for a terrible day to be honest.  Our last preschool experience was not so great for Aiden.  His teachers were out-of-this-world fantastic.  He loved them.  He loved his classmates.  He just wanted nothing to do with academic stuff.  He was having accidents, chewing and sucking on his shirt and ruining clothes by stretching them out at the bottom.  I warned his teacher about all of this.  I sent him in pull-ups.  I stashed mints in his backpack to suck on if he got nervous.  I put a coin in his pocket that he would rub if he needed to soothe himself.  

And he didn't need any of it.

He had a great day.

A great week!

And, come to find out, he recognized a whole mess of letters that I fought with him tooth and nail about this summer.  I think I am the most shocked person ever over this alone.

I am so proud of Aiden.  So proud.

I am thrilled that he had a great week and he is so excited to go back.

He is currently mad at me because tomorrow is Monday and his school week is only Tuesday through Friday.  He wants to go the whole week like Noah.  He wants more school!

Well, let's hope this lasts for the next 13 years.  

I doubt it.

But I am going to enjoy this ride while I can.

Noah Goes To Kindergarten

Today was Noah's first day of Kindergarten!  I really cannot believe he is old enough to be in school.  How in the world did that happen?!

I got to take him to school today.  I thought I might be a mess.  I rarely ever cry or get emotional.  Can't even remember the last time I really cried.  But, what happens is that it just builds and builds.  (Quite understandable when you maybe cry once or twice a year.)  So when there is something that makes me emotional I have the ugly cry every time.  Kinda like 365 days of crying comes out at once.  I was hoping that my ugly cry took place before today, or it would have been REALLY ugly.  Thankfully, I got that out of the way yesterday.  So no tears today.  For me or Noah.  Score.

Noah was so excited to go to school.  He was jumping up and down, literally.  He got to meet his teacher on Friday and he loved her.  She is super organized and dresses pretty (his words).  They are going to get along juuust fine.

I have concluded that after being in the classroom just five minutes Ms. Pearson is going to have an interesting year.  There were two boys in the class that did not stop talking the entire time I was in there.  One was going on and on about his brother's first day of school (in a hilarious southern accent) and the other was saying, "Ms. Pearson, do you like my shoes?  Ms. Pearson do you like this color?  What are we going to do to today? etc etc"  They weren't being wild, just talking and talking and talking.  I started to feel like I was at home, but minus the screaming and sounds of things slamming into the walls every two minutes.

I left him in the room, already anxious to hear about his day.  I thought about him all day long.  I missed him.  I wondered what he was doing.  I wondered if he was having fun.  If kids were being nice to him.  And it seemed like 3 pm would never come!  It finally did, and then the bus was 25 minutes late.  So I finally got to see him around 3:30.  He was so excited he practically ran all the way home from the bus stop.

Tonight at dinner he got to eat off of our family's "You Are Special" plate.  (A little tradition of ours.  We have a special plate and you get to eat off of it on your birthday or for special events in your life.  The kids get so excited when that plate is used.)  Kenneth then took Noah to pick out some ice cream for the family and we ate dessert to celebrate his first day of Kindergarten.

Here are some pictures from Noah's day.  Probably one of my favorites is the one where he is with his new friend.  When I dropped him off today I took a picture of Noah at his table and a picture of Noah with his sweet teacher Ms. Pearson.  Then this kid said, "Hey!  Will you take a picture of me?!"  I said, "Sure!" He hopped out of his chair and ran right over to Noah, posing for the picture.  It was so funny.

What God Does

I don't even have the words to describe what I am about to attempt to post.  Know that much.

A while back I wrote a post about all the car troubles that we have been having.  It has been exhausting and expensive.  We have put nearly $2,300 in that car (in repairs) in the last year.

We began praying when this happened: Car Drama  ...and then this.  We prayed for the Lord's wisdom and provision.  We prayed for His perfect timing, even when we wanted it to be our timing.  We have been praying almost daily since April.  Within a few weeks of the first incident I began sensing that God was going to give us a free car.  A few weeks after that I confided in Kenneth, and to my amazement/encouragement he said that he felt the same way.

Now, I am going to be the first person to tell you that I don't go by feelings.  Rarely ever. One of my favorite quotes is, "Feelings will deceive you.  God's truth never will" by Sarah Bragg.  Lots of rich truth in that.  I tried repressing this feeling about a free car, but it just kept coming to my mind every time I prayed about it.  Still I was hesitant.  But then I thought, "You know what?  If God wants to give us a free car.  He totally can.  I wonder where this is going to come from.  Wonder what it is going to be?"  I felt so strongly about this that I even neglected to look at cars available.  I did agree to allow Kenneth to contact a wholesaler to begin looking for a good deal at the auctions.  Because, after all, my feeling could be wrong.

We waited and waited.  We never heard back from the wholesaler after the first few conversations.  I felt the Lord saying, "Just wait on Me."

....And then it happened.

Kenneth got a call a couple weeks ago from a man in our church (I don't even know this person).  He asked Kenneth if he would be interested in a car that his daughter and son-in-law were looking to get rid of.  Kenneth said he would be interested.  Then he said, "Well, they want to sell it to you for one dollar."

What?!

Okay, so maybe it wasn't free.  But seriously!?!  $1!!!!!!!!  FOR A CAR!!!!! That is free if you ask me!  (This is crazy, radical stuff, isn't it?)

Kenneth told me he just sat there and then finally told the guy that we have been praying for months about this.  And he simply said, "Well, consider your prayers answered."  Thank you, Lord.
Kenneth went to pick the car up last week.  It is a 2004 Chevy Trailblazer. 

I am reminded so much of James 1.  That whole  Count It All Joy thing (James 1:2-5), and now the whole "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change" thing (James 1:17).  If we had not gone through those trials we would have never experienced this good and perfect gift from God.  Had God not brought us through some exhausting and expensive stuff we would have never been able to experience Him in this way.  Sometimes I wonder if God just listens to our prayers and says to Himself, "Oh, you just watch what I am about to do.  Girl, you don't even know.  Juuuust watch.  I got this."  He must, right?!

Once again, He has proven to be our perfect provider, having the perfect timing.  And He indeed supplies ALL of our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).  Oh, how I praise Him!  Won't you praise Him with me?!  Look what He can do!

At Least My Floors Are Clean

So today was a pretty typical day.  I feel like I have been in a funk the last couple of weeks though.  The kids are being pretty unruly which not only is hard to deal with but is exhausting.  I hate having to discipline ALL.DAY.LONG.  I want to be consistent, so I cannot let stuff slide that they know is wrong.  I feel like I have been totally impatient and tired.

They feed off one another.  Aiden is always hitting and grabbing which makes Asa or Nathan or both scream and cry.  Which then leads Noah to his favorite job of tattle telling.  And so the constant whining is just like nails on a chalkboard to me.  I just want to start whining and crying with them.

But, in all of this, I know that discipline is necessary.  To discipline them is to love them because I cannot allow them to continue in their sin.  I want to shepherd their hearts that they would grow to love the Lord and be obedient to Him. 

And so I have to discipline myself and practice lots of self control for moments like this...

I was sitting outside today watching the boys play in their pool and run around the yard.  Next thing I know, I look over and see Asa holding something in both hands.  Is that???  Surely not.  O yes, it is.  Oh.mi.goodness.gracious.  There is Asa holding two ginormous pieces of his own poo.  One in each hand. 

That was fun to clean up.

And then there was this fine moment...

Asa was put in time out.  He didn't like it.  He decided to get us back.  I walked in to get him out of time out and saw him sitting in a pool of his own urine, running his hands through it, playing.  On the hardwood floor.  And to make it even more awesome, Nathan was playing in it too. 

Floor was mopped.  Kids given baths.  And then the crowning moment...

I was upstairs putting the kids to bed and walked into our master bathroom.  Looked down and saw that Sophie had decided to use the rug as her urinal.  Of course it bled through onto the tile, and stained the grout. 

Floor was cleaned.  Grout was scrubbed.  Rugs put in the washer.

I think I am going to sleep well tonight.  Thanks to Asa and Sophie most of the house is sparkling clean.

What Happened Today

WARNING.
This is utterly disgusting. 
So don't read it if you can't handle potty posts.

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE when your two-year-old chooses to forgo the toilet and poop in the middle of the kitchen floor and then the dog comes to clean up the evidence.

Seriously?!

I don't even know what part of this is more disgusting.  Really.

And as I am shooing the dog away and trying to clean up the worst smelling stuff on the planet (literally smells like dead things), I am actually wondering if I should have just let the dog have at it. 

This my friends is what my day is like.

Sure, it is filled with some really sweet moments.  Moments that just make me praise God and think, "My cup runneth over." (Psalm 23)  Moments that almost make me cry because I am so thankful and just want to take it all in as much as I can.  Like when Noah tells me that he loves me to the moon and back.  Or when Aiden has to be in my business all the time (which can also drive me nuts some days) and I just look at him and he gets a huge smile on his face and laughs because I think he realizes that he hasn't left me alone all day.  Or when Asa hugs me randomly (and also sometimes when he hugs me because he knows he is about to get in big trouble and he is hoping the hug cancels out his punishment).  Or when Nathan just latches on to me and asks me to hold him and then put his arms around me and buries his head into me.  Love that stuff.

But my day is also filled with so many moments of "Are you kidding me right now?!"

And "I seriously think I am going to puke if I have to clean that up...again."

And "I am soooo tired of putting kids in time out and hearing whining and brothers fighting and quoting the same Scripture to the boys about loving one another and honoring their parents."

And "I am so tired that I think I could sleep for about a week."

Ahhh....

I am pretty sure that this is what everyone tells me that I am going to miss so much.  Even the poop and the whining and the mess?  Yes, even that.  Because those things mean that I have a house full of children.  I still have time to influence them and point them to Jesus.  I still get to hear their laughter on a daily basis and be the most important woman in their life.  And that won't last forever. 

Lord, help me to take delight in even the worst of moments and be thankful that I have them.  And when Asa poops all over the house, or in his pants for the umpteenth time every day, help me to consider it all joy.

Arr...Matey

Noah turned 5 on July 12.
5.
Holy smokes!
I can't believe I have a 5 year old.  And about to have another 5 year old, a 3 year old, and a 2 year old in just a couple of months!  So crazy.

So for the fifth birthday we had a pirate party.  Noah's birthday fell at the same time we decided to take a vacation and visit family in KY.  My parents were gracious enough to host the party.
I think they REALLY enjoyed it.  And by that I mean, they kinda went overboard.  In a good way, of course.  Mom got the decorations and made a pirate ship cake and pirate cake pops.  Dad planned a treasure hunt, mapped it out with clues and ended with real buried treasure!

...and the kicker?
Captain Jack came along!
Apparently my parents have a neighbor who dresses up like a pirate for kids' birthday parties.  How hilarious...and perfect.

Here are some pictures.

 The key to Captain Fatbelly's treasure: treasure map, clues and compass. 

 The cake table.  Ship cake and cake pops that my mom made.  She did a great job!

 Our motley crew before the treasure hunt.

 Noah leading the way.

 Captain Jack reading the clues to help Noah find Captain Fatbelly's treasure.

 Noah digging up his treasure.

Noah and his new friend, Captain Jack.

Goin' Fishin

We had a blast this 4th of July.
Well, about as fun as you can have when Kenneth isn't around.

I took all 4 boys to our friends' house for a little party.  (Shout out to the Eutens: You are awesome!)  The kids had a blast playing in the pool, in the bounce house, and fishing in the lake.

All evening Aiden was begging Matt to take him fishing.  He was being quite the nag.  Matt already had his hands full.  Aiden doesn't get the whole "I'm really busy trying to grill food for lots of people" thing.  He also doesn't get the whole "My kid just got stung by a bee and I have to take care of it" thing.  Or the whole "I am taking care of your brothers poopy pants" thing.
Side Note: We are really working on his patience and being aware of what other people are doing rather than being so concerned with self.  Don't really see that working out too well right now.  Alas, he's 4.  We will keep trying...

When Aiden got his turn, he was certainly on a roll.  He reeled in at least 3 fish.

He wasn't a fan of touching the fish, but he finally did it.

Brandon, Aiden and Matt with two of the fish.

Noah decided he would take a turn.

This is as close we could get Noah to the fish that he reeled in. 
It was quite the drama fest leading up to this picture.

And now for Asa's turn!

Love this picture of them.

And you can't forget Nate Nate! 

Count It ALL Joy

So the last 48 hours have been kinda crazy. 

The kids have been the closest to wild animals that I have ever seen them.  One in particular is trying my patience in a way I cannot even describe.  To be honest, I have found myself sitting on the floor, head in hands, just asking God to help me through, calm me down, and forgive me for responding in anger...frequently.  The Spirit is quick to remind me that "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God" (James 1:20).

The AC in our house went out on the day it was 95 outside.  Yes, it was uncomfortable, but I wasn't that upset about it.  Our house is still under warranty.  I felt terrible for our pregnant guest however.  I can only imagine how miserable she felt, and yet she didn't complain.

Then we noticed that one of the tires on the car was almost totally flat.  Kenneth managed to get to a gas station to get air in that tire, only to notice that there was a huge nail in yet another tire (3rd one this month).  Then he put the key in the ignition and the car would not start.  Finally he got the car to start.  He drove to church.  Later he tried to change the flat tire and put on the spare.  Only to notice that the spare also had a big hole in it.  He had to catch a ride home. 

Meanwhile, the satellite dish for the TV totally went out.  I tried calling technical support and of course they could not help.  A technician has to come out to fix the satellite.  He can't come for 4 days.

Once Kenneth got home we had a good talk about how the Lord is testing us.  These are all first world problems.  We have plenty of reasons to still praise the Lord!  Are we going to complain about all that is breaking, or are we going to trust Him and try learn whatever it is that He is trying to teach?

Right now our church is going through the book of James on Sunday mornings.  Kenneth has had a lot of preaching responsibilities this summer, so he has been diligently studying this book on his own.  Because I am a glutton for punishment, I decided to do a precepts study on the book of James on my own.  Intense.

We are certain that God is teaching us about putting our faith into action.  He is testing to see if we are going to respond according to His Word.  I pray that I am found faithful.

This morning Kenneth got up early to take one of the tires to get a patch in it, then drive it up to the church to put it on the car.  Once that was finished he drove the van back home, then we all piled in the car to take him back to get the car.  Did that.  As we were leaving, the key would not start the car again. Kenneth waved me down before I was out of the parking lot to share the good news.

We started cracking up.  And we starting quoting James 1:2-5.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."

The car started. 

I am praying intensely that the Lord would help me to "count it ALL joy."  My struggles with the kids' behavior specifically.  It is not easy.

At least someone knows where poo poo goes...

Pretty sure no one is really going to care about this post.
Except me.  And Kenneth.  And maybe grandparents.  Maybe.

But, I just have to say....
NATHAN POOED ON THE POTTY TODAY!!!
Woop Woop!  Holla!

Yep, I'm pumped.

After our failed attempt at potty training a few weeks ago, I decided to try again today.  We didn't have much success.  He only had one accident, but I did let him run around naked outside pretty much all day (other than naps).

While inside we did the timer thing.  Every 20 minutes the timer went off and Nathan yelled "Pee Pee Time!"  He excitedly got on the potty, but never could do anything.  Then Kenneth and I noticed that he just went and sat himself on the potty at one point.

And he got that look.
You parents know what that means.

Next thing I know, he has peed and pooped in the potty!!!  He did it all himself!

I am fully prepared for tomorrow to not go so well, and I am trying not to get my hopes up.  But, I am not gonna lie, they kinda are.  I am pretty excited that Nathan did that tonight.  Especially when I have been cleaning up poo out of Asa's underwear for about 2 weeks now...(insert loudest sigh ever).
Oh please, please, let this be a light at the end of the diaper tunnel.  Please.

Here's to tomorrow....
and a huge mark in the "win" column for today!

Nothing Like a Road Trip

Kenneth was in a wedding this weekend in KY.  Our plan was for him to go by himself and I would stay home with the boys.  I really wanted to go the wedding because it is for a friend of ours whom I think the world of.  However, it was just easier to not travel with the kiddos for such a short trip. 

And then I realized that Kenneth was preaching two services at our main campus on Sunday morning.  Wedding at 5:30 on Saturday night.  Preaching twice on Sunday.   Kenneth insisted that he would be just fine to drive through the night and then preach in the morning.  Riiight, Kenneth. 

Alas, I decided to be an awesome wife and volunteer to bring the children up to KY so that I could drive Kenneth back through the night in hopes of him getting some sleep before preaching on Sunday.

So, we left the house around 8:45 am (9:45 EST).  I noticed the front right tire was low so we went to the gas station to get air in the tire before even getting on the interstate.  Doesn't it figure that the cap on the air pump was some random, weird cap and we could barely get it to cover the hole?  On top of that, the cap was missing to our air plug.  We did the best we could and figured the air had leaked from normal driving and the missing plug. 

And then an hour into the drive I noticed the low tire pressure light come on in the van.  Awesome.  We pulled over in Dodge City, AL to find a tire shop.  We just wanted to get air in the tires, buy a cap, and be on our way.  Of course it wasn't that easy.  We unloaded all the kids out of the car.  The boys took turns peeing on the side of the road and asking a billion questions on what we were doing (classy, I know).  We then discovered that the air was leaking from somewhere else on the tire.  Not the cap.  Greeeat. 

Thirty minutes later a staple was removed from our tire and the whole was patched.  We were off.  Except not.  The tire light never went off.  We spent several minutes trying to read the owner's manual hoping to figure out how to turn the light off.  The mechanics couldn't figure it out.  Kids were yelling, "What are we doing?!  Go!!  Are we in Kentucky yet?" from the backseat.  We all agreed that the light would turn off after we drove a bit.

So that is what we did.  Except the light never went off.  I then figured that maybe the guy had put a little too much air in the tire and that is why the light was on.

Wrong.

We pulled off in Nashville to eat lunch.  We tried going to Chik-fil-a, but it was too busy.  Not even a place to park.  Cue children, especially Asa, going nuts because we had promised Chick-fil-a and now were unable to deliver.  We drove around and found a bread shop.  We ate lunch.  Again, took multiple trips to the bathroom.  What is up with these children!?!  When we went back out to the van I noticed the back right tire was almost completely flat. 

(Insert sinking feeling here.)

We then drove around trying to find the nearest tire store.  We pulled up and unloaded all the kids.  They told us it would be at least 40 minutes.  You-have-got-to-be-kidding-me.  As Kenneth stood there having a conversation with the mechanic, I heard words that send chills down my spine every time.

"Mommy!  Look at Asa!" coming simultanteously from Noah and Aiden.

I then see Nathan pointing his finger at Asa saying, "Poop!"

So I looked.  And I saw.

Asa standing there holding his own poop.  Niiice.

I paniced and told him not to touch his poop.  So he launches his turd across the parking lot, mechanic standing right there. 

I then proceed to run to the van, get some wipes, and go to hunt down the turd.  When I got it, the older two start shouting "Hey Mom!  What are you going to do with that turd?  Where are you going to put Asa's poop." 

After cleaning up that mess, we all went into the little waiting room to spend the next 45 minutes.  Sigh.  Asa tried hiding behind a stack of tires at least twice to go poo in his pants.  Kenneth caught him once, but then we had to do another pants change.  Good grief!  (See my last post about how this is infuriating me). 

After a screw was removed from that tire, and it was patched, we were finally on our way.  The rest of the way to Kentucky was pretty uneventful...thank you Lord.  9 hours and 15 minutes later, we finally made it!

Gaaahhh. Enough with the Poo Already.

Okay.  I.am.done. with the poo in the pants from Asa. 
I mean, really. 
4 times today. 
4 times.

Could we have made it to the potty at least once?  Just once?
And to make it worse, he knows EXACTLY what he is doing. 
I do too.  Because the second he has to he hunches over and hides. 
You ask him if he has to poop and he looks right at you and says, "No."


And why does this make me sooo mad? 
Has anyone else had this experience?
I mean, has anyone else got so frustrated with this that they thought they were literally going to go through the roof if they had to clean up 1 more mess in the pants?!

So let me back up.
Kenneth left for camp with the students on Friday.  The second he walks out the door, the kids turn into wild animals.  Its magical really. 
I have been dealing with these lovely zoo creatures for a few days now.  My patience is about out. 

Tonight my mom and I had a less-than-fantastic idea to take the boys out for dinner.  What was I thinking?  (And now I realize that I say that a lot).
We go for dinner, get seated and immediately the kids kick their 4 ring circus act into high gear.

Noah is putting his flip flops on the table, smacking his plate saying, "But I'm hungry!  When is the food going to be ready?  It is taking forever!"
Nathan is screeching.  Grabbing for the knives.  Throwing the crayons.  Saying, "Milk.  Milk.  Milk."
Aiden is kicking his shoes off his feet and then saying over and over and over and over, "Mommy!  My shoe is falling off my foot."
Asa is crawling out of his highchair, grabbing for knives, yelling, grabbing plates and banging them on the table, kicking his shoes off, smacking the table because he is mad at me, yelling "no" and hitting Nathan.
LOVELY.

When we finally got our food, which seemed like an eternity, Asa decided to poop his pants.  And because he had kicked off his shoes, he went into the bathroom with no shoes.  As if I was not disgusted enough.  A few minutes into me cleaning up a huge mess with Asa screaming and hitting me, Aiden runs into the bathrom with no shoes saying he has to poop too.
I finally get everyone cleaned up and get back to the table wanting to scream and crawl under the table at the same time.
Then Noah announces his need to poop.  So then I run to the bathroom with him.
I.mean.seriously.  
At least Nathan is still in diapers.

I was frazzled and frustrated by the end of dinner to say the least.
And so ready for their father to come home.
And just so done with Asa's poo antics.

summer is upon us

Summer is officially here.  Yahoo!

It is so nice to have Noah home during the day.  I really miss him while he is at school.  Aiden has mixed feelings about this...

I decided to try to prevent any more craziness than is already present at our home.  I made a schedule for us for the summer.  I didn't want to feel like we were just wasting the days.  So each day the plan is to include a walk/bike ride, reading time, outside time, lunch, letters and crafts, then naps (ahhhh).  I am trying to compile a list of ideas from Pinterest that I can try with the boys.  So far we have done a few...

Here are some pictures.

No words

I really can not think of a good title for this post.  It is kinda sad.

Tonight Kenneth was telling me a story about a professor at seminary who has just recently adopted another child.  He was telling the story in front of the boys as they were playing.  The gist is that this child is about Noah and Aiden's age, but he was not being taken care of by the people he was living with.  They are not his biological family.  It seemed his physical needs were being met for the most part, but not emotional, etc.  So, he was adopted into a new family that he loves.

About 15 minutes later we were putting the boys to bed but having a little family wrestle "HI-YAH!!" fight in Aiden and Asa's room.  It was hilarious, by the way.  Even Nathan and Asa were kicking out their legs yelling "Hi-Yah!"  Of course, no one was hurt in the process.  The boys were cracking up.  Then Aiden, trying to be funny, said, "Hey!  We need a new Mommy!"  We could tell he was trying to joke because he had a smile on his face and was laughing.  Noah did not appreciate the joke.  Neither did I, to be honest.  Noah yelled, "That is not nice!  I want our Mommy."

Kenneth immediately told Aiden that that was not appropriate and it was hurtful.  I could see on his face that he was embarrassed.  He then tried to make up for this joke by making another one.  "Maybe we need a new Daddy."

That was it for Noah.
He ran into his room crying.
I had to go do damage control there.
Kenneth took care of damage control with Aiden.

Noah was beside himself crying.  Sobbing, "That was not nice of Aiden.  He was mean to you.  If he goes to a new family, I won't have him as a brother.  I won't have anyone to play games with.  I won't have anyone to play with."  He was so sad.
Although my heart broke for him, it kinda made me happy too.
Despite all the fighting all.the.time, Noah really does love his brother.  It proved to me how much he cares about Aiden.   And I must admit that it felt really good to have Noah protect me like that.

We finally brought Noah and Aiden together and had a little talk with Aiden.  We assured him that he is staying with us no matter what.  We are always going to be his mommy and daddy.  He will always be Noah's brother.

This adoption stuff can be so tough sometimes...

Our Butterfly Project

When my parents came in town earlier this month they gave the boys a butterfly kit.  The idea is that you are given caterpillars, which then go into a chrysalis and then you watch them become a butterfly.  Noah and Aiden were really excited.

We had caterpillars shipped to our house in a container that also held their food.

Then about 7-10 later, the caterpillars form chrysalis.  It is neat to see them hanging from the top of the cup.  You then have to move the chrysalis from the cup and pin them to the side of the butterfly enclosure. 

After another 7-10 days the butterflies start to emerge.  The chrysalis actually get darker and darker leading up to when they come out.  I was really hoping we would get to see the magic, but we missed it.  All three times!

 This was our first butterfly to emerge.  So pretty!

We had one butterfly emerge for 3 consecutive days.  The boys were pumped when they saw a new butterfly each day.  After a couple of days of enjoying them, we decided today was a good day to let them go free.

This was our last butterfly to leave us.  I think he was hanging around for good reason. 
He flew out, settled into some grass, and then the next thing I saw was a bird swoop down and pick him up to eat him.  This next picture is a picture of the bird sitting on the fence eating our butterfly.

SERIOUSLY!
I wonder if anyone else has ever experienced that one.  Of course, we would. 
Who lets a butterfly go only to watch it be eaten as an afternoon snack moments later? 
That would be Those Bruce Boys.
Thankfully Noah had turned his back and didn't see all this go down.  He probably would have been scarred for life had he seen it.
I can't make this stuff up.

Another Embarassing Trip to the Grocery

Why is the grocery store always a place of embarrassing moments for me?  Good grief.

Today I took the four boys to the grocery, which is a feat in and of itself.  I am never, never in a good mood when we leave.  Imagine two boys screaming and trying to climb out of the cart.  Then hitting each other and laughing, grabbing brothers' shirts and trying to look down them, etc.  Then imagine two boys running up and down aisles, yelling at each other, hitting one another, laughing hysterically (more like a very loud squeal), not paying attention and knocking into elderly ladies or people who obviously hate children.  Fun times abound.

So coming off our last trip to the store when Noah loudly asked me if a sweet older woman was blind, me trying to cover it up and say, "No, silly, you were in her way" and then him loudly yelling, "Well, her eyes look like she is blind"...I was hoping this would be less eventful.  Really, Kristy, really?

Among the usual embarrassment, I just tried to get out as quickly as possible.

Then we passed a group of 3 black women shopping together.  Noah yells, "Hey!  Where are they from?"  I quietly said, "Here."  He yells back, "No!  You see those black people over there?  Where are they from?!"  I wish I could describe his tone.  Sorta like a why-would-they-be-here kind of thing.

For the love!  Child, do you not know how to talk like a normal person?  Why in the world do you have to ask me questions about people in the store in the loudest voice EVER?! 

So then I just said, "Noah, not every black person is from Africa."  Seriously.  We see black people ev.er.y day.  Every day.  We have to wait until we are at the grocery, standing right next to them, to ask where they are from in a way that sounds like they have no business being here. 

As if that was not enough we are in the check out line.  I have almost the entire cart loaded onto the belt when Noah yells "I have to pee!" and starts grabbing himself.  Really?  Now?  I told him he had to hold it, to which he says, "Okay.  I'll hold it Mom."  Then he proceeds to grab his crouch and cross his legs.  Aiden then says, "Noah, what are you doing?"  Noah yells loudly again, "I am grabbing my penis!"  Pretty sure they heard us several aisles over.  I heard the cashier snicker.  All this while Asa is pulling stuff off the shelves left and right and Nathan has his shoes in his hands hitting Aiden with them. 

There is Nothing Like

In case you missed my first warning, when you see the words "There is Nothing Like" you do not need to read what follows if you have a faint stomach or if you don't really want to know what boys are like.

There is Nothing Like when you walk into your kids' bathroom and see the sink after your child who just ate this crunchy cereal has brushed his teeth and spit it out.  Then just left it sitting in the sink.  GAG me.  Just what I wanted to see this morning.  Boys are so gross.

There is Nothing Like eating a meal and having one of your kids say "Mommy!" then show you his chewed up food in his mouth.  Then starts laughing hysterically.  Kids are so gross.

There is Nothing Like watching your boys play and start seeing how can toot on each other the most.  Hoping they grow out of that one, but I have my doubts.

Sometimes after the things I see I just stop what I am doing and pray for my boys' wives.  Goodness gracious.  I am hoping that I can at least teach them some manners before that time comes.  Either way, I have one particular kid who could use a wife right now, in addition to his mother.  We have a looong way to go.  Bless his heart.

Its Called PROGRESS

So, it is really no secret that Asa is not my biggest fan.

And all joking aside, Kenneth and I have felt like he hates me.  

Truly.

Some of you may have even witnessed this behavior.

He loves Kenneth.

Me, not so much.

It is a tough pill to swallow, but we get by with humor and prayer.

The last 24 hours have been great, and I wanted to be sure to include it on here.

Last night was the first time EVER that Asa has given me a kiss without being forced.

Usually at night when I go in to kiss him goodnight he will leap up in his crib and run to the other side, turns his back to me and screams "No!"  Kenneth then usually comes in and sternly tells him that he has to give me a kiss.  He begrudgingly listens.  When Kenneth is not home for bedtime I hold his face in my hands and kiss him anyway while he screams and tries to get away.  He hates it.  Then I usually tell him, "I love you anyway." 

(And, in honor of total transparency, I am going to add that this little reminder is not always said in the nicest of tones.  I confess that it gets weary feeling hated by your 2 year old son.)

Last night I walked in and he just looked at me.  He stayed laying down and had almost a smile on his face.  As I got near his crib he actually puckered up his lips a little bit.  I gave him a kiss and said goodnight and he didn't scream.  Praise the Lord!  

Asa has been home with us 22 months. 

Here are some other praise worthy things I have experienced with Asa in the last week.

*He has been waking up at 7 or later for the last 7 days.

*He has been sleeping through the night for a couple of months.  No middle-of-the-night scream fests.(Thanks, Melatonin, you wonder herb!)

*When he wakes up he is not waking up screaming.  He nicely yells for us, or yells that he is "all done."  This has been going on for at least a month.  Today he was even playing in his crib.

*I have only had to spank him 3 times today, and it is already 3:15!!!!!  I am also going to note that what he did constituted an immediate spanking.  We have had no time-outs yet today!  And, have I mentioned it is already 3:15 pm?!!

*We met Kenneth for a birthday lunch today and Asa was absolutely hysterical without being destructive and defiant.  I am pretty sure Kenneth was to the point of tears we were laughing so hard.

These are all HUGE HUGE HUGE notes of progress.

I am not going to lie, these past 22 months have been the hardest of my life.  

But I wouldn't take it back.

I wouldn't "not" do it.

I can't say I wouldn't change a thing, because that would be lying.

But..
I wouldn't ever change the decision we made to adopt Aiden and Asa
because it was one out of obedience to God. 

I am so thankful He called us to adopt.  

Although the LORD has brought us through some difficult and border-line psychotic moments, it is His plan for our family.  We rest in His full sovereignty and we know that He is up to something great.  The difficulty makes the good times that much sweeter. 
I am excited to see His full plan for our boys, and for us, whenever that may be revealed. 
He is a good God and we trust Him.

Car Drama

I have come to realize that my life is far, far from normal.
I am sure that most people have realized that fact already.  I am a little slow.
After our little big car incident on Friday morning, I was just thinking over all that we have dealt with in just the last couple of weeks.  There truly is never a dull moment in our household.  Never.  Nada. 
Here is the latest.

I first want to say that I have seen the providential hand of God all over this situation.  He has protected us and provided in so many ways, and we are just praying that He will continue to do so.  We have faith that He absolutely will.

On Thursday night our sweet friends Kathy Elliott and Emily Lavender came into town.  They graciously offered to watch Aiden, Asa and Nathan so that Kenneth and I could both go on Noah's field trip to the zoo on Friday.  We were so excited to get to spend that time with Noah, and Noah was excited to have time with Mommy and Daddy all to himself.

We met at the church and headed to the zoo with Noah and his friend, Coleson.  While on the interstate the check engine light came on in the car.  We just had the car fixed in October, and then again two weeks ago.  We went a few more miles and then it started sounding funny.  We pulled off the interstate at the next exit, which happened to be the one we needed to take.  As we started turning off the exit I could tell Kenneth was having to pull the wheel extremely hard.

And then the engine just stopped. 
We costed down a big hill, and came to stop at a light.  At that point the car was not moving, it was starting to smoke.  I had to hop in the driver's seat and Kenneth had to push the car as I guided it into a parking lot.  By the time we pulled in the car was smoking from the hood and it would not stop.

I frantically called Noah's teacher. 
She was riding with someone else, and they were able to come meet us.  Thankfully the mom driving had a large SUV and there was just enough room for Noah, Coleson and myself.  We made our way to the zoo while Kenneth waited for the car to be towed to a local shop. 

We were later informed that the water pump went out, as well as the timing belt.  $430.  There went the tax refund we just got in the mail.

Then the next morning Kenneth called to ask if we could pick the car up.  We were then told that they had fixed the car, and they were running the car and testing it to make sure that it had been properly fixed.  The car continued to smoke, and when they looked further some sort of gasket had been warped while the car was smoking the day before and now that needs to be replaced.  $1,000.

Car is worth=$1800, assuming we pay that $1,000 to get it fixed.

We have no idea what we are going to do.

I am thankful for the following.
1. Kathy and Emily were here.
2. I was not alone with the kids in the car when this happened.
3. The car waited until we were off the interstate before it completely died.
4. We were still able to get the kids to the zoo.
5. This is not our minivan.
6. No one was hurt.
7. We did not get in an accident while Kenneth had to push the car.
8. God is in complete control.