Just to make you feel better....

This post is strictly for your entertainment.  Well, not strictly. God is clearly using this as a means of my sanctification.  Yes, this is exactly what happened today. 

This morning Kenneth had to leave the house at 5:30 am to speak to a football team.  I woke up, let the dogs out, made lunches, woke up the boys, got the kids’ clothes out, dressed each child, made breakfast, put dogs in their crates, loaded all the kids in the van and drove Noah to school.  Upon our return I could finally take a little break to clean up the kitchen before I had to take Aiden to school.

We are in the process of potty training Nathan so he has been running around the house with no pants on this week.  (He is doing quite well).  As we were waiting until it was time to take Aiden to school, the boys were playing with their racetrack in the living room.  Nathan was sitting on the slatted bench, which is over part of the racetrack.  All of a sudden I hear, “Mooom!  My race car has pee on it!” and a subsequent “Uh-oh!”

I look over and Nathan has peed while sitting on the bench.  It has run through the slats and gotten on part of the racetrack.  The cars are the kind you shake and then let go.  Of course this is what Aiden and Asa were doing at the time Nathan peed.  So the cars ran through the pee puddle and proceeded to drag the pee all around the track.  Pee was on the bench, on the carpet, and all over the toys. 

After cleaning up that mess we loaded into the van and got Aiden to school.  I then made what can only be labeled as the worst shopping trip ever.

I took Nathan and Asa to Wal-Mart to get groceries.  They have these new carts where two kiddos can sit side by side.  I actually love the new carts.  However, when Asa and Nathan are having a bad day, it can get REALLY bad quickly.  Totally happened today.

As I was shopping Asa was trying to pull everything off the shelves.  Everything.  He was grabbing stuff and throwing it into the cart.  When I got it out to put it back, something else would go in.  I was giving stern warnings, which scare the pants off Nathan, but are of no effect to Asa. I cannot spank him in the store, and I couldn’t just leave because we need the groceries and there is no other time I could go.  Each time I tell him to stop his behavior he just loudly screams “NO! Mommy!” and bats at the air like he is going to smack me across the face.  He gives me a dirty look and finishes with a lovely finger point (no, not the middle one).

The two boys then decided to start pulling each other and hitting.  Screaming ensued.  Nice.  Toward the end of the trip Asa started screaming an ear-piercing scream and Nathan followed suit.  At this point everyone in hearing distance stopped and stared at me.  It was that bad.  That loud.  And of course when you say stop, it just fuels the behavior.

He knew he was in big time trouble, but also knew he had an audience until I paid for the groceries. 

We then go to check out.  Of course no lines are open, with the exception of self-check out and one 10 items or less lane.  Awesome.  I’ve made the mistake of going to self-check out with Asa before.  Never again.  So, I loaded up my groceries on the counter.  Asa continued his antics.  He then bit Nathan so hard that Nathan was screaming in pain and panic.  I was furious!

To make matters just even more fantastic the cashier says, “Someone needs a spanking.  You need to get the devil out of that child.”  Then proceeds to reprimand me because the she has no room to fill bags because I haven’t taken the full bags and put them in my cart.  Seriously, lady?  Meanwhile, several people with 3 measly items are behind me giving me those evil looks because I clearly have more than 30 items and my children are acting like they need an exorcism.

And if that were not enough.  She then looks at Asa and says, “Are you keeping him?  Is he adopted?”  I wanted to go Fifty Shades of Mike Tyson on her but I was so angry that whatever would come out of my mouth would certainly NOT be good.  I said, “Yes, we adopted him.  He has been home 2 years.”  She then says, “I figured.” 

Can’t.handle.the.anger.

You better believe that once I got everything loaded into the car we drove straight to Kenneth at work so he could drive the foolishness out of Asa.  I was so angry there was no way I could discipline.

When we got home Asa decided he needed to potty.  Instead of going on the potty he opted to pull down his pants and pee all over the wall.  Still trying to think of the best way to get the pee smell out of drywall.

WARNING: Do not read the next part if you are weak in the stomach.

And if that were not enough.  As I was putting the boys down for their naps I caught Asa jumping on the bed.  I pulled down his pants, in the dark, and went to spank him.  MISTAKE.  He had pooped his pants.  Guess what I got a hand full of? 

I think my blood is still resting upon the roof somewhere.

In other news, I could not be more thankful for the Halloween candy in the pantry.  I have already taken several pieces of Asa’s chocolate  Pretty sure he owes me.