A Closed Door.

God, in His goodness, has closed the door for us to adopt from India.

A few weeks ago, our caseworker let us know that when she attempted to pull our number to match us with a child, she was unable to pull the number.  (Each prospective adoptive family is registered with CARA, the adoption people in India, and is given a number when approved.  When a child is found that meets the family’s criteria, the numbers are matched.)  We had been approved by CARA months ago, and given a number.  It did not make sense that she would be unable to pull our number for this match.  She contacted CARA and they responded by saying that they rescinded our approval (in short).  They stated that they are not accepting any families that have four children already in the home.

Our caseworker filed an appeal.  She believed this would work because A) This new “rule” is nowhere in their guidelines and it is not published anywhere, B) We had already received approval from CARA, and C) Their guidelines specifically state that they will not discriminate based on families that already have biological children (and that is exactly what she felt like they were doing).  Honestly, we had never even heard of this happening to anyone, or thought they could rescind approval.  Our caseworker has been working in adoptions for many, many years and she was baffled.  I think this only proves what a rocky road adoption can lead you on.  It is not easy.  It is frustrating.  It is unpredictable.  It is warfare.    

On Monday morning, the Spirit woke me up around 4 am.  I had the impression that we would hear an answer from CARA.  I had peace about the answer and went back to sleep.  When the phone rang and the caller ID showed the agency’s number, I thought of the man who fears the Lord in Psalm 112, “He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.  His heart is steady; he will not be afraid.”  I knew the answer was going to be “No” before our caseworker even said hello, and I praise God that He graciously gave me peace.

We had waited for a couple of weeks to hear a word back from CARA.  We simply prayed for the Lord’s will to be done, even though we really wanted to bring home a daughter from India.  The Lord can change a king’s heart, so a government agency is nothing to Him, and we believed that.  God could have changed their hearts.  He chose not to. 

I am disappointed.  However, more than that, I am thankful that God graciously prevented something that was not His best for our family at this time.  I am convinced that “for those who love God, ALL things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).  Even when things do not feel “good,” I am led to trust God’s definition of “good” rather than my feelings or what I deem “good.”  And, as I look back on my life so far, there is nothing that comes to mind that I cannot now look back and see how it was “good” or led to something "good."  Maybe some things were painful, but I see exactly how they drove me deeper into the Word, drawing me closer to Christ, which has led to an even greater joy.   

I rest in God’s absolute sovereignty.  There is no doubt in my mind that He led us away from adopting from Ethiopia, and no doubt in my mind that He has closed this door to India as well.  I feel a little like Paul when he kept trying to go preach the gospel to various people and the Holy Spirit kept forbidding him.  After trying to go to two different regions, he then received a vision of exactly where he was supposed to go.  He obeyed the Spirit, which led him to Macedonia, and ultimately, Philippi.  And, if you know anything about Philippians, you know that God did an amazing work among them through the ministry of Paul.  (See Acts 16). 

I realize that I am nothing like Paul. 

I am simply saying that we have felt God’s leading in this adoption, and the Spirit keeps preventing an adoption from certain countries.  I know that this is no accident and God has a glorious plan that involves every step we have taken thus far.  I do not understand it in full, but I am hopeful that God will one day pull back the curtain and help us to see why.  Perhaps, as we continue to follow His leading, we will look back and see exactly why we had to go to wherever this adoption journey leads us next; just as we can now see why God prevented Paul from going to certain countries, and instead led him to the region of Macedonia.

Yesterday, after getting off the phone with our caseworker, I felt the Spirit saying, “Kristy, will you follow me to Africa?  Yes.  Now, will you follow me to India?  Yes.  Okay, now will you follow me to wherever I want to take you next?”  My answer is an unequivocal “Yes!”

We have been asking ourselves so many questions.  Does God even want us to continue this process?  Are these closed doors His way of trying to get our attention and tell us “No” or “Not right now”?  Are these closed doors merely an obstacle, a testing of our faith, to see if we will persevere?  What do we do now?  What is His will?  Why did He lead us here, then there, and then close the door?  Why this timing?  Why are we the family that CARA has decided to make up some new rule about?  What is He doing with this?  Where is He leading?

I don’t know the exact answer to any of these questions.  But, I can tell you that I have no greater desire than to answer “Yes” to my Savior, whatever He asks of me.  I know that God’s timing is perfect and my times are in His hands (Psalm 31:15).  I know that His plan is sure (Job 42:2).  I know that “He does according to His will” and “None can stay His hand” (Daniel 4:35).  I know that when we ask, He will generously give us His wisdom (James 1:5). 

Please join us in praying that God would generously and graciously give us wisdom as we put one foot in front of another, following Him wherever He wants to take us.  Our heart’s desire is to put our lives before the Lord and say “Whatever, whenever, wherever.”  We want to be living sacrifices  (Romans 12:1).