How is it coming? Am I excited?

Throughout both of our adoption processes, the most typical questions we have received are:

1.     How is the process coming along?

2.     Are you excited?

I wanted to share an update to answer both questions.

How is the process coming along?

We feel like it is taking forever.  In reality, it is not.  The adoption with Aiden and Asa took 7 months from start to finish.  Because we have been on this train for twice as long (14 months now) the ride feels like forever.  Considering that we have changed countries and had to re-do everything, it actually isn’t that long at all. 

Right now we are in the process of updating our homestudy.  Ours was over a year old and must be updated each year.  The update includes all new physicals for every person in our family, updated reference letters, new letters from employers and banks, new criminal background checks and updated financial statements of every penny we possess or owe. 

We are also working on our dossier, which is the set of documents that goes to India.  The dossier is pretty much our life: birth certificates, marriage certificates, house deed, financials, tax documents, pictures of the house and family, letters galore, physicals, signed statements from our children, etc etc.  Seriously, it is EVERYTHING you can think of, including your blood type.

There are a few grant agencies we will still apply to, as we are about $9,000 short of our goal.  There is a lot of paperwork involved with that, and I will be working diligently on that once we can get the homestudy and dossier close to completion.

Are you excited?

In true transparency, I will say “Yes, but reservedly.”  I have learned that anything can happen in adoption and it is best not to get your hopes up.  Honestly, I know that God has called us on this adventure, but I am not certain of the outcome.  Referrals (the child you are matched with) get lost, children die, children are hurt, the process takes way longer than you think it will, the unexpected can happen in your own immediate family leading to an incomplete adoption, birth parents reappear after years of being out of the picture, and a host of other things.  I am not trying to be a pessimist, but I know better than to think that this will certainly be pain-free and end the exact way we desire.  Yes, Aiden and Asa’s adoption went almost without a hiccup, but many do not.  Until the child is home on US soil, legally in your custody, and legally re-adopted in the United States anything can happen.  I want to be prudent and prepare my heart for however God writes this story.      

I also don’t pretend to think that God is leading us to a “happy” postcard picture type of situation.  Yes, it will be absolutely beautiful in its conclusion, but it will probably be grossly ugly at times (from our perspective).  We have been through this once before, and we know exactly what the first few months are like.  There is a whole lot of ugly.  There is exhaustion, never enough coffee, an immeasurable amount of tears from everyone, lots of praying, lots of repenting, lots of questions, so much adjusting.  Waking up with the goal to survive the day is absolutely legit. 

No lie: When we first brought Aiden and Asa home I literally wrote “SURVIVE” on my to-do list and then I would thankfully cross it off before bed each night. 

Please do not hear me say that this is not worth it. 

It absolutely is. 

Don’t hear me say that I regret it.

I do not.

We would not be adopting again if it were not worth it.  And, either way, obedience to God is NOT optional for this family.  We are following Him on this journey, no matter what. 

There is just nothing that can truly prepare you for the moment until you get there.  Some things help, but until you are in the thick of it you just cannot fathom the things that are done, said and felt.  This time we know a lot more about what to expect and we can be real about the struggle that it is.  **Not every family struggles the way we did.**  And maybe this time will be so much different. 

If you have not read the blog entry by Jen Hatmaker “After the Airport” do it.  This is a very real picture of what the first few months after adoption are like.  The first time I read it, I sobbed.  Someone finally “got” what we had been through. 

There is SO MUCH good that follows. 

SO MUCH. 

And you see God work in ways you never dreamed or thought possible. 

Things are so much more real and the Lord teaches you things about Himself that you may never ever understand if it were not for adoption. 

Adoption is a gift—a gift that I am so incredibly thankful to experience on a daily basis, both spiritually and physically. 

Adoption is the heart of God.

But when I am asked “Are you excited?!” you must know that I am fully aware of the 1 million things that can go wrong.  And you must know that all of the pain and struggle that I remember from the first few months after Aiden and Asa came home just come rushing back like an avalanche. 
To be honest, that part doesn’t excite me much.  It can actually be pretty fear-inducing until I start reminding myself of who my God is.  I know the goodness this adoption will bring, but going through the midst of all-out warfare and testing is never an incredible amount of fun.

When people ask me "Are you excited?!" perhaps I should just answer, "Yes" and move on.  And perhaps that is what people want me to say.  But I want to be honest.  I want people to know that redemption is costly and difficult, lest we forget what it cost the Lord to redeem us.  

The blessed hope in all of this is that God is sovereign over all.  If He has been emphasizing anything to me over the last two weeks as I have studied Amos and Jonah, it is that He is overwhelmingly sovereign over creation and people.  (This seems to be the theme of my year so far.  Every study I do keeps coming back to the sovereignty of God in all things.) 

Even if something goes terribly wrong with this adoption, I rest knowing that God is in control and has purposed it for my good and His glory.  He will get glory through this, no matter the outcome.  That is a blessed thought.  Whether I am saying through tears, “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21) or holding a new child saying “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2), the Lord will get glory!

I love seeing God work through circumstances, and even when things do not turn out like we had hoped, He is always carefully crafting each piece of the puzzle into a greater picture that is stunningly beautiful.  In the end, no matter what, I will look more like Jesus.  And that is the goal anyway!  Praise Him, that no matter what, He continues to transform us into the image of Christ and He who began a good work in us will see it through to completion!

That is something to be most excited about!