Pieces of Fruit

I am often amazed by the work of the Spirit in Noah's life.  That child loves God's Word!  His knowledge of the Bible is astounding.  At six, he knows so much.  He can recall Bible stories in detail that I am pretty sure most people in the church wouldn't be able to remember.  He can recite 50 catechisms.  He weeps over sin.  He understands that we need to tell people about Jesus (and he does).  He is fascinated by the nations.  He just seems to "get" it. 

This is how Noah falls asleep most nights.  Reading his Bible.  Melt.my.stinkin.heart.

Can I tell you the weight I feel with this child? 
The responsibility. 

Knowing that God has entrusted this child to me.  Knowing that it is my responsibility (and privilege) to train this child to fear the Lord.  Knowing that I must cultivate this love for God and show him what walking by faith really looks like?  And knowing that I mess up so very often. 

It can be quite overwhelming.
All of this times four (and, Lord willing, times five).

There are times when I wonder if my boys will love Jesus.  I pray they do.  And I know that I cannot control that.  I just need to guide them and leave it in God's sovereign hands.  But sometimes, if I am honest, I get discouraged.  While Noah seems to get it, most days, the others do not.  I question if Noah has this passion because for two years we poured so much into him, and we haven't had as much one on one time with the other three. 

Although I know it is not beneficial to blame myself and wonder if my short-comings are the reason, I find myself doing it.  I find myself thinking, "Well, if you would just do more...."  I quickly realize that that is the enemy talking to me.  Trying to make me feel like I can control the salvation of my children.  Trying to make me feel discouraged and like all hope is lost because I've blown it already.

The truth is that each of us has a unique relationship with the Lord, and my children will be no different.  I need to pray that each of them has their own real, passionate relationship with Christ that does not have to fit into some mold (other that what we see in Scripture, of course).

The truth is that God is the one who calls people to salvation.  There is no amount of "working" I can do to save my children.  I can certainly train them in the fear and admonition of the Lord, showing them what authentic faith looks like and loving Jesus in front of them every single day.  But, ultimately,  their salvation is in God's hands.

The truth is that what we sow may not be reaped for many, many years.  The seeds I am planting every single day may not yield a lot of fruit immediately.  And I must persevere.  I must not grow weary of doing good.

And God is ever so gracious in allowing me to see tiny pieces of fruit that delight my heart.
Like tonight when Aiden prayed that Emily, a young girl who recently died of cancer, would have a good day in heaven with Jesus.  And that God would bring his sister home safely.
Or when Asa and Nathan were playing in the living room this afternoon singing "Amazing Grace."
Or when Nathan prayed that Charlie, a girl his age who is sick with cancer, would feel better and open her heart to Jesus.

Oh, thank you Lord.  I long to see the day when my children are madly in love with Christ!