So Faithful

I am about two seconds away from changing the name of this blog to: God is Real and Faithful, Here's Another Piece of Evidence.  BOOM. 

Can I just give you a little insight into the last few days/week?

 Kenneth's car (that God provided for us for $1) was starting to cost more and more to fix.  We knew that we were going to need something.  We have spent weeks and weeks searching for something in our price range, and refusing to take on a monthly car payment.  If I could show you our budget you would straight up laugh at us just like every car dealer did (save one).  But, of course, God provided what we needed when we needed it.  Kenneth bought a car on Thursday.

Since then, I have felt a little nervous about the finances.  Any time I write a check over $25 I think I am going to puke.  I would not say that I have been "worried" but more like, "Okay God.  I trust you.  But, you realize you are going to have to big time provide for us, right?  Okay.  Well, I'll wait.  Looking forward to when you do your thing."

I have been having to fill out some paperwork that requires me to look at our adoption expenses in addition to our monthly expenses.  This with every bit of money to our name.  It makes me sweat, not gonna lie.  Immediately I think of cost of groceries, clothes, unexpected expenses, doctor visits, etc.  The list swirls and swirls in my head.  Then adding one more to that.  A girl.  I hear they are a lot more expensive.  I start thinking, "Okay, what are we going to cut out?  Food?  Electric?  Toilet paper?"  I then start going down the path, "What if our van broke?"  "What if..."  Almost instantaneously I forcibly have to stop myself.   (Does this happen to anyone else, or just me?) 

I have to stop listening to the worries.
And start speaking Truth.

I have to stop going down the "what if"s.
And start going straight to God's Word.

If I did not, I would drown in a sea of worry and doubt.  I would live in fear.  I would shut down.  This adoption would not be happening.

This adoption is not logical...at all.
It is a ginormous leap of faith.  For so many reasons.  And, trust me, the devil has thrown out every possible dart I can think of at this point to try to discourage me and shut this down.

I have been praying so frequently for God's provision.  Praying that I would be meek, trusting in Him.  Praying that I would be righteous and crave His righteousness.  Praying that our family would be used for His glory...to do whatever, whenever, wherever.  I just want to please Him.

During my time with the Lord today I was reading Matthew 5-7 (part of an incredible Precept Upon Precept study I am doing....you should check it out).  These words really stuck out to me:

"Your Father knows."

It was as if the Lord was piercing me right to the core.  "Kristy, I know.  I know what you need."

Twice in Matthew 6 we see the words "Your Father knows."  This among a whole chunk of Scripture specifically about worry.  Of which the Lord has already spoken to me about.  "Worry only about serving Me.  I will take care of your life while you serve Me.  What you worry about reveals where your treasure is.  Treasure Me."

I felt so at peace. 
So much comfort knowing that my Heavenly Father knows.  He knows better than me.

And wouldn't you know?  Before I even closed my Bible, Kenneth sent me a message telling me that someone was going to give us $500 for our adoption!

And then this afternoon I opened my e-mail to find a congratulatory message from a grant agency, awarding us a substantial size grant for our adoption!

With these two donations, along with what has already been given, we are a little more than half-way to our estimated adoption expenses!

Just like that.

Isn't He so good? 
So kind. 
So merciful. 
So faithful.

Pieces of Fruit

I am often amazed by the work of the Spirit in Noah's life.  That child loves God's Word!  His knowledge of the Bible is astounding.  At six, he knows so much.  He can recall Bible stories in detail that I am pretty sure most people in the church wouldn't be able to remember.  He can recite 50 catechisms.  He weeps over sin.  He understands that we need to tell people about Jesus (and he does).  He is fascinated by the nations.  He just seems to "get" it. 

This is how Noah falls asleep most nights.  Reading his Bible.  Melt.my.stinkin.heart.

Can I tell you the weight I feel with this child? 
The responsibility. 

Knowing that God has entrusted this child to me.  Knowing that it is my responsibility (and privilege) to train this child to fear the Lord.  Knowing that I must cultivate this love for God and show him what walking by faith really looks like?  And knowing that I mess up so very often. 

It can be quite overwhelming.
All of this times four (and, Lord willing, times five).

There are times when I wonder if my boys will love Jesus.  I pray they do.  And I know that I cannot control that.  I just need to guide them and leave it in God's sovereign hands.  But sometimes, if I am honest, I get discouraged.  While Noah seems to get it, most days, the others do not.  I question if Noah has this passion because for two years we poured so much into him, and we haven't had as much one on one time with the other three. 

Although I know it is not beneficial to blame myself and wonder if my short-comings are the reason, I find myself doing it.  I find myself thinking, "Well, if you would just do more...."  I quickly realize that that is the enemy talking to me.  Trying to make me feel like I can control the salvation of my children.  Trying to make me feel discouraged and like all hope is lost because I've blown it already.

The truth is that each of us has a unique relationship with the Lord, and my children will be no different.  I need to pray that each of them has their own real, passionate relationship with Christ that does not have to fit into some mold (other that what we see in Scripture, of course).

The truth is that God is the one who calls people to salvation.  There is no amount of "working" I can do to save my children.  I can certainly train them in the fear and admonition of the Lord, showing them what authentic faith looks like and loving Jesus in front of them every single day.  But, ultimately,  their salvation is in God's hands.

The truth is that what we sow may not be reaped for many, many years.  The seeds I am planting every single day may not yield a lot of fruit immediately.  And I must persevere.  I must not grow weary of doing good.

And God is ever so gracious in allowing me to see tiny pieces of fruit that delight my heart.
Like tonight when Aiden prayed that Emily, a young girl who recently died of cancer, would have a good day in heaven with Jesus.  And that God would bring his sister home safely.
Or when Asa and Nathan were playing in the living room this afternoon singing "Amazing Grace."
Or when Nathan prayed that Charlie, a girl his age who is sick with cancer, would feel better and open her heart to Jesus.

Oh, thank you Lord.  I long to see the day when my children are madly in love with Christ!