Crime & Punishment

Today was one of those days as a parent when you are ready for bed at lunch time because you have had enough.  Thankfully it is well past the boys' bedtimes and I am still standing. 
We are all alive.
I don't know who put what in the boys' breakfast, but they were W-I-L-D today.  And nothing seemed to go according to plan. 

For example, after dropping Noah off at preschool via car line, I took the other 3 to the park.  I knew they all had lots of energy to run off. 
First we decided to do a quick drive by our new house to see if they had broken ground yet. 
Fail. 
Ugh.

Then on to the park across town.  I started to get the boys out of their seats and noticed that Nathan was missing a shoe.  Low and behold it ended up that when Noah jumped out of the car he must have knocked Nathan's shoe off and out of the van it went. 
No playing at the park. 
Fail.

The day followed in similar fashion.  So, after picking Noah up from school, and reclaiming Nathan's shoe, I knew nap time was going to be a killer today.  I could just feel it.  I was right.

The younger three went down okay.  The usual screaming and such. Then there was Noah.  When I say weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth I am not exaggerating.  Everything was the matter.  Finally I told him that if he didn't stop he was not going to get to go to the surprise that Kenneth and I had planned for them later in the evening.  I made it very clear what his choices were and confirmed what the consequences were going to be.
He stopped throwing his tantrum.
Five minutes later he was singing, no, make that screaming, various Bible songs at the top of his lungs.  While I am thankful it was Bible songs, not so thankful that it woke up his brothers who had just fallen asleep.  And that they started crying again.
Fail.

When Kenneth came home tonight we had planned to take the boys to the special surprise.  It was then that we had to sit Noah down and explain to him that he was not going because he had made a bad choice.  It pained me.  I knew it was the right thing to do, but it pained me.  When we threaten our boys, we follow through.  But it hurts us sometimes.  That's for sure.

When Kenneth was explaining that he would be facing the consequence of his bad choice, my heart just ached and twisted as I watched Noah's countenance fall for what seemed like stories.  He was heart-broken.  Crying ensued.  I hate that we had to discipline him and make him miss out on something that I knew he would love.  And on top of that, that he would see his dad leave the house taking his brothers on a fun trip.

We could not help but to think of God.  I wonder if it pains God to have to discipline His children when they mess up?  I am guessing it pains him way more than it pained me tonight.  That hurt my heart too.  Thinking that I cause God that much pain when I sin against Him.  Thinking about how God doesn't want to have to discipline me when I fail Him, but He does it because He loves me and He loves me way too much to let me continue in my sin.  The same way that I love Noah way too much to let him continue in disobedience because I know ultimately it is not good for him at all.

Tonight I didn't get to go on a special outing with my family because my oldest son made a bad choice.  I was a little upset that I was going to miss out on a fun time with my other children because one of them decided to disobey.  I told Noah that it made me sad that his bad choice made me miss out on the fun too. 

Then I got to thinking about how our sin affects more than just us.  When I choose to sin, I am not just hurting myself.  I am hurting others around me. Whether intentional or not, the affects of our sin always ooze onto other people.  Many times, it is a lot more people than we know.  Makes me really think twice for sure.

Although I think my kids have officially fried my brain most days, there are also times that they send my brain into hyper-drive.  I have learned so much about the Lord since becoming a parent.  I am so thankful that He continues to reveal more and more of himself to me, especially through my children.