I Don't Want Safe Kids

Something happened at the soccer field yesterday that has had my mind reeling ever since.  During a pretty intense game of YMCA soccer, a mom looked over at me and said, “Your boys are climbing on that railing, are you okay with that?  I didn’t want to tell them to get down if you were all right with it.” 

I truly appreciate her asking.  She had no ill will, no judgment whatsoever.  She is so sweet and kind and I enjoy her company.  I know that she wouldn’t let her son climb on the railing.  I told her, “I’m fine with it, but thank you so much for checking.”

Here is why I am fine with it: I want my boys to grow up to be men.  Not girls. 

As crazy as my house is, and for as many times a day I ask myself if I am somehow allowing wild animals to live in my house when I could have sworn I had actual human children, I prefer it.  I do not want to raise passive boys who have no fight or sense of adventure.

I do not want my boys to be rude or rough with things that need to be handled delicately.  I want them to be respectable.  However, if they are not hurting anything, or breaking someone’s rules, I want to say “yes” as much as possible.  You want to play in the dirt?  Go for it.  You want to jump off the clubhouse?  Sure.  It is high and you might break your leg, but you might land it perfectly.  So long as you know the risk.  You want to rappel off the clubhouse with your jump rope?  Okay.  I am just thankful it isn’t the stairs this time.  You want to slide down the stairs on a cardboard box?  Great idea.  Wait there while I get the camera.  You want to push the lawnmower with daddy?  Awesome.  Maybe you can start mowing the whole yard.  You want to climb up the slide the wrong way at the public park?  I don’t mind.  Just don’t get in the way of those trying to use it correctly.  You want to play karate chop on the trampoline and see how hard you can kick each other?  Go for it.  Just don’t do it with a mean spirit and don’t come crying to me when you get hurt because I warned you what might happen.  

 

Boys need adventure.  Boys need to be able to take risks.  Boys need to be able to build things.  Boys need to do hard things.  They need to be able to act like boys.  My job is to teach and train them to make wise decisions, and sometimes that doesn’t equate “safe.”

Here is what I am struggling to understand.  So often I find us moms telling our kids “no.”  Not because something is bad, but because we think of all the ways they could potentially get hurt.  We are trying to keep them safe from ever falling down and shedding a tear.  No one keeps score.  Everyone gets a trophy just for participating because we don’t want to potentially hurt anyone’s feelings and we want them to feel good about themselves.  Then, these boys who have been told “no” their whole life because something just isn’t safe, get older.  We get upset because men are not leading their families, or not sticking around at all to be a dad.  We are upset when they turn into passive, apathetic men who take no risks and wouldn’t be willing to take a punch for anything of significance.   Haven’t we trained them this way by never letting them take risks, never letting them do hard things, never letting them get too adventurous?  Haven’t we trained them to fear hurt and failure?  It seems to me that we have made safety a god.

I just don’t want that for my boys.

I am not at all advocating parental negligence or stupidity.  I think there is a huge difference between allowing our boys to take risks, potentially get some bumps and bruises and shed some tears, and being an uninvolved parent with no sense of stewardship over the children God has given you.

Here is my point:

If I am raising my kids to be safe, why in the world would they want to risk their life for King Jesus?

If I never let them take risks now, how do I expect them to do that in the future when it matters?

If I raise them to be afraid of everything, how will they stand for anything?
If I am training them to always be afraid of getting hurt, how do I expect them to allow God to take them on wild adventures of faith? 

My biggest fear is not that I won’t be able to keep my children “safe”. 

My biggest fear is that out of their own fear and comfort they would say “no” to Jesus. 

I want my children to be dangerous for the gospel. 

Risking your life for the sake of the gospel is not a tragedy. 

Saying “no” to Jesus because you fear for your safety is beyond tragic.