Of Course He Does

Have you ever lost someone in your life that you really looked up to?

Larry Cranfill is one of those people for me.  Larry and I were never super close or anything, but he served on staff at the church where Kenneth and I formerly served.  He passed away after Kenneth and I had moved to Alabama to serve at Westwood.  Larry had a wonderful, toothy grin and an infectious heart for Jesus.  His desire for God’s glory to be made known among the nations was so obvious that it seemed to ooze out of him at every moment.  He didn’t care if everyone, or anyone, agreed with him; he simply pursued Jesus wholeheartedly and let the chips fall as they may.  I loved that about him.  What a wonderful example he set of living to please God alone.   

Whenever you had a question about something that involved missions and started with “Does God want me to do or go_____”, Larry would just flash that big, toothy grin and say very matter-of-fact, “Of course He does.”  And that was that.  He was excited when Kenneth and I told him about adopting our boys from Ethiopia, and he was always encouraging us when we made decisions in our pursuit of Jesus that looked foolish to others.  He spoke words of wisdom and life (Proverbs 18:21).

Over the last few months I cannot tell you how many times Larry’s words have rolled around in my mind.  There have been times that I start looking at certain circumstances or listening to what so-and-so says needs to be in our bank account, retirement account, college accounts, and the list goes on.  When I dwell on those things it is easy to get caught up in the American Dream, or Pinterest Museum, and ask “What in the world are we doing adopting a fifth child?!  We can’t do this!  Does God really want us to do this?!” 

When the adoption door closed with India, after already being led away from Ethiopia, there were several moments that I asked, “Does God even want us to adopt?”  And it only took seconds to hear Larry saying, “Of course He does.” God then used His Word to gently remind me that He did call us to this and His heart for orphans has not changed. 

There have been so many scriptures that God has used to continually guide us along this path.  Our adoption journey now looks so so different from the one we took in 2009-2010 when we brought Aiden and Asa home.  In one sense, there has been so much more time to just sit around and think about everything.  We have been walking this path for 18 months now and in some ways it feels like we are no closer to the end than when we started.  In another sense, there is a lot less time to think about things because we have a very busy household.  Although so much has changed, God’s Word has remained the same.  He continues to show me that adoption is near to Him and I would be far from Him without it.

Not everyone is called to physically bring a child into his or her family through adoption.  However, God has called my family to do this.  I have realized that every time I ask, “Does God even want us to adopt?” I am focusing on the things of this world.  I am allowing what makes sense in our current culture to drive my thoughts and emotions.    

That is not the way of Christ. 

Does God approve of adoption?  Of course He does.  He has adopted us through Christ.  Moses was adopted (by Pharaoh’s daughter).  Jesus was adopted (by Joseph).  Does God command that we look after orphans and widows?  Of course He does.  Does God say that children are a blessing and a reward?  Of course He does.  Does God desire for these orphans to have a mother and a father who will try their hardest to point those children to Jesus?  Of course He does.  Does God have the means to provide for this?  Of course He does.  Has God used people to provide for our adoption up to this point?  Of course He has.   Has He given us a heart bent toward adoption?  Of course He has.  Is adoption one means of fulfilling God’s mission and extending His glory to the ends of the earth?  Absolutely.

Does it matter that we may never get to take our kids to Disney World or go on a week long vacation?  No, not really.  Not when I think about a child in an orphanage who doesn’t even have a mom or a dad.  Does it matter that we won’t be able to go many places because of the size of our family and the cost?  No, not really.  Not when I think about children who may never hear or see the gospel.  Does it matter that I will have to cook dinner every night because we won’t be going out to eat?  No.  Not when I think about the many children going hungry and the mothers who wish they had the means to make dinner for their family.  Does it matter that our house might feel crowded with 7 people in less than 2700 sqft?  Honestly, I cannot even type all the answers to that question. 

I have to ask myself by whose standard I am evaluating the answers to these questions.  The fight against the tragic “American Dream” is a grueling battle that I intend to engage in every single day for the rest of my life.  When I focus on allegiance to God’s Kingdom rather than building my own, there really is no question as to whether or not God wants our family to adopt.  I keep hearing Him say to me, “I put this on your heart for a reason.  I have provided for you up to this point and I am not going to stop.  Trust me.” 

There are times when we wrestle through finding God’s exact answer for a particular situation, when really all we need to do is remind ourselves of His Word and the mission He has given us and we find that the answer is a simple “Of course He does” or “Of course God would do that.”  No, it isn’t always that simple.  But sometimes it is.  Sometimes we try to complicate things when all we need to do is delight ourselves in the Lord and joyfully follow His simple (though not easy) command to make disciples of all nations.

When we are faithfully studying the Scriptures, when we seek wise counsel, when we are delighting ourselves in the Lord and He has given us a desire for something that He obviously encourages in His Word, sometimes the better question is, “Why would God say ‘no’?”  What a blessing to have His Holy Spirit leading us and guiding us so that we can discern moments like these!

I cannot help but to imagine what Larry would say to us if we could talk with him about this adoption process up to this point.  I know at every turn he would have encouraged us and had stories about Kingdom work that is going on in each country we have considered.  He would have said something like “That’s just awesome.  I am proud of you guys.”   And he would mean it.

I am so thankful as I think of the impact some people have had on my life simply because they passionately followed Jesus.  Some are now at home with the Lord, some are on the mission field, some are diligently serving in churches across the country, some are still around me today.  I am thankful for this great cloud of witnesses, who encourage me to run the race with endurance, fixing my eyes on Jesus, the Founder and Perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12:1-3). 

ADOPTION UPDATE:

Please continue to be in prayer for us.  We are currently waiting on our approval extension from US Customs and Immigration, which will determine if we can adopt internationally.  We have already been approved but the approval only lasts 18 months before it has to be extended.  If they extend our approval we plan to move forward with international adoption.  We cannot move forward with a particular country until we have this approval in our hands. 

A Closed Door.

God, in His goodness, has closed the door for us to adopt from India.

A few weeks ago, our caseworker let us know that when she attempted to pull our number to match us with a child, she was unable to pull the number.  (Each prospective adoptive family is registered with CARA, the adoption people in India, and is given a number when approved.  When a child is found that meets the family’s criteria, the numbers are matched.)  We had been approved by CARA months ago, and given a number.  It did not make sense that she would be unable to pull our number for this match.  She contacted CARA and they responded by saying that they rescinded our approval (in short).  They stated that they are not accepting any families that have four children already in the home.

Our caseworker filed an appeal.  She believed this would work because A) This new “rule” is nowhere in their guidelines and it is not published anywhere, B) We had already received approval from CARA, and C) Their guidelines specifically state that they will not discriminate based on families that already have biological children (and that is exactly what she felt like they were doing).  Honestly, we had never even heard of this happening to anyone, or thought they could rescind approval.  Our caseworker has been working in adoptions for many, many years and she was baffled.  I think this only proves what a rocky road adoption can lead you on.  It is not easy.  It is frustrating.  It is unpredictable.  It is warfare.    

On Monday morning, the Spirit woke me up around 4 am.  I had the impression that we would hear an answer from CARA.  I had peace about the answer and went back to sleep.  When the phone rang and the caller ID showed the agency’s number, I thought of the man who fears the Lord in Psalm 112, “He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.  His heart is steady; he will not be afraid.”  I knew the answer was going to be “No” before our caseworker even said hello, and I praise God that He graciously gave me peace.

We had waited for a couple of weeks to hear a word back from CARA.  We simply prayed for the Lord’s will to be done, even though we really wanted to bring home a daughter from India.  The Lord can change a king’s heart, so a government agency is nothing to Him, and we believed that.  God could have changed their hearts.  He chose not to. 

I am disappointed.  However, more than that, I am thankful that God graciously prevented something that was not His best for our family at this time.  I am convinced that “for those who love God, ALL things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).  Even when things do not feel “good,” I am led to trust God’s definition of “good” rather than my feelings or what I deem “good.”  And, as I look back on my life so far, there is nothing that comes to mind that I cannot now look back and see how it was “good” or led to something "good."  Maybe some things were painful, but I see exactly how they drove me deeper into the Word, drawing me closer to Christ, which has led to an even greater joy.   

I rest in God’s absolute sovereignty.  There is no doubt in my mind that He led us away from adopting from Ethiopia, and no doubt in my mind that He has closed this door to India as well.  I feel a little like Paul when he kept trying to go preach the gospel to various people and the Holy Spirit kept forbidding him.  After trying to go to two different regions, he then received a vision of exactly where he was supposed to go.  He obeyed the Spirit, which led him to Macedonia, and ultimately, Philippi.  And, if you know anything about Philippians, you know that God did an amazing work among them through the ministry of Paul.  (See Acts 16). 

I realize that I am nothing like Paul. 

I am simply saying that we have felt God’s leading in this adoption, and the Spirit keeps preventing an adoption from certain countries.  I know that this is no accident and God has a glorious plan that involves every step we have taken thus far.  I do not understand it in full, but I am hopeful that God will one day pull back the curtain and help us to see why.  Perhaps, as we continue to follow His leading, we will look back and see exactly why we had to go to wherever this adoption journey leads us next; just as we can now see why God prevented Paul from going to certain countries, and instead led him to the region of Macedonia.

Yesterday, after getting off the phone with our caseworker, I felt the Spirit saying, “Kristy, will you follow me to Africa?  Yes.  Now, will you follow me to India?  Yes.  Okay, now will you follow me to wherever I want to take you next?”  My answer is an unequivocal “Yes!”

We have been asking ourselves so many questions.  Does God even want us to continue this process?  Are these closed doors His way of trying to get our attention and tell us “No” or “Not right now”?  Are these closed doors merely an obstacle, a testing of our faith, to see if we will persevere?  What do we do now?  What is His will?  Why did He lead us here, then there, and then close the door?  Why this timing?  Why are we the family that CARA has decided to make up some new rule about?  What is He doing with this?  Where is He leading?

I don’t know the exact answer to any of these questions.  But, I can tell you that I have no greater desire than to answer “Yes” to my Savior, whatever He asks of me.  I know that God’s timing is perfect and my times are in His hands (Psalm 31:15).  I know that His plan is sure (Job 42:2).  I know that “He does according to His will” and “None can stay His hand” (Daniel 4:35).  I know that when we ask, He will generously give us His wisdom (James 1:5). 

Please join us in praying that God would generously and graciously give us wisdom as we put one foot in front of another, following Him wherever He wants to take us.  Our heart’s desire is to put our lives before the Lord and say “Whatever, whenever, wherever.”  We want to be living sacrifices  (Romans 12:1).

No words

I really can not think of a good title for this post.  It is kinda sad.

Tonight Kenneth was telling me a story about a professor at seminary who has just recently adopted another child.  He was telling the story in front of the boys as they were playing.  The gist is that this child is about Noah and Aiden's age, but he was not being taken care of by the people he was living with.  They are not his biological family.  It seemed his physical needs were being met for the most part, but not emotional, etc.  So, he was adopted into a new family that he loves.

About 15 minutes later we were putting the boys to bed but having a little family wrestle "HI-YAH!!" fight in Aiden and Asa's room.  It was hilarious, by the way.  Even Nathan and Asa were kicking out their legs yelling "Hi-Yah!"  Of course, no one was hurt in the process.  The boys were cracking up.  Then Aiden, trying to be funny, said, "Hey!  We need a new Mommy!"  We could tell he was trying to joke because he had a smile on his face and was laughing.  Noah did not appreciate the joke.  Neither did I, to be honest.  Noah yelled, "That is not nice!  I want our Mommy."

Kenneth immediately told Aiden that that was not appropriate and it was hurtful.  I could see on his face that he was embarrassed.  He then tried to make up for this joke by making another one.  "Maybe we need a new Daddy."

That was it for Noah.
He ran into his room crying.
I had to go do damage control there.
Kenneth took care of damage control with Aiden.

Noah was beside himself crying.  Sobbing, "That was not nice of Aiden.  He was mean to you.  If he goes to a new family, I won't have him as a brother.  I won't have anyone to play games with.  I won't have anyone to play with."  He was so sad.
Although my heart broke for him, it kinda made me happy too.
Despite all the fighting all.the.time, Noah really does love his brother.  It proved to me how much he cares about Aiden.   And I must admit that it felt really good to have Noah protect me like that.

We finally brought Noah and Aiden together and had a little talk with Aiden.  We assured him that he is staying with us no matter what.  We are always going to be his mommy and daddy.  He will always be Noah's brother.

This adoption stuff can be so tough sometimes...