No Change in His Plan, but a Change in Ours

Thank you to those of you who prayed for us as we received the news about the future of adoptions in Ethiopia.  We truly felt your prayers and God provided the wisdom we had asked for almost instantaneously. 

Within days of posting our last update, God confirmed in our hearts what He wanted our next steps to be.  Not even three days later, we had a peace that is beyond understanding.  Only Christ can infiltrate the heart and give the peace that we received.  Only He can give such comfort and knowledge of His will.  To be honest, I was a little shocked about how quickly He revealed our next steps.  I know that He answers prayers, but I did not expect to go from having no idea to being completely sure in such a short amount of time, over such a big decision, with so many unknowns.

I thought that we would wait to hear an official statement from Ethiopia and then we would have more facts and then we could proceed.  Then we could really start making tough decisions, if they needed to be made.  It just made sense. 

That was human logic. 

Many times God does want us to be logical—He did give us a brain and we should use it.  He instructs us to count the cost.  There are obvious decisions that we make every single day and it would be quite foolish to throw all logic aside and wait for a burning bush.

But other times, it is as if there is a burning bush.

He works outside of logic, too.

Sometimes God so clearly speaks to us, and it does not have to “make sense.”  The more we know Him, the more familiar we are with His voice, and the more confident we are when we hear Him speaking.  His sheep know His voice.  So when He tells us something that is really crazy and makes no sense to the world (like adopt child #5, for example), we just obey.  We defy logic and obey because we know that obedience is the only thing that really makes sense after all.

In this case, God did not wait for us to have all the pieces of information so that we could make an “informed” decision.  Rather, He quickly and gently said, “I have something else for you.” 

We have waited for over three weeks and we still do not have an official word from Ethiopia, but we know our next steps, regardless. 

With heavy hearts we informed our agency that we would no longer be pursuing an adoption from Ethiopia.  I cannot adequately convey the sadness this brings us.  We love Africa and have such a heart for the people there.  It thrilled us to think of bringing home a daughter from a place that has so deeply touched us.  A place that we cannot stop thinking about.  The place where two of my sons were born. 

I have this image in my head of what I thought our daughter would be like.  And it will not happen, at least not right now, and maybe never.  It feels a little like a death has happened. 

God has allowed us to feel this pain, but we are not grieving without hope. 

God has not changed the adoption plan for our family.  He is slowly uncovering what His plan was all along. 

Beginning this adoption journey in Ethiopia was a necessary step in the process.  It was not a mistake.  We are seeing even now that all of this was orchestrated in perfect timing to bring us to where He wants us. 

I will save the details of how amazing this revelation has been.  How “random” pieces are fitting together.  All the things that were not in place when this journey began, but that are happening now.  Countries being opened, relationships being forged, new works being pondered, and on and on and on.

All of this so wonderfully orchestrated by our loving Heavenly Father to show us that our daughter is probably waking up each morning somewhere in

 

India.

The Kiss of Death? Or Life?

Lord willing, Kenneth will be preaching on worry this coming Sunday.  And in typical fashion, God always envelops us with these lessons when we most need them.  Kenneth said he knew something was coming, and thus, it has.  It rings true that what we teach/preach on is the lesson we need most for ourselves. 

We heard some very discouraging news after Christmas.  There is talk that Ethiopia could totally close adoptions.  Click the following link for the news story.  http://allafrica.com/stories/201312260586.html/

Unfortunately, there are so many more questions than definite answers at this point.  We hope to hear more in the next few weeks, but for right now, all we can do is wait to see what happens. 

The in-country representative for our adoption agency has confirmed that whether Ethiopia closes or not, they definitely plan to reduce adoptions in 2014.  They have been reducing adoptions since 2010 (the same year we brought Aiden and Asa home), and the plan is to reduce even more, if not totally stop all foreign adoption from Ethiopia.

We have also heard that orphanages are closing.  We have heard that it is unlikely that very many children will become paper-ready to be adopted.  This means that although there are many many orphans, they will not have the opportunity to be adopted by anyone outside of Ethiopia.  It is heart wrenching to know the amount of children who need families and may never have one.  It is painful to think about what happens to these children when they are not adopted into loving homes. 

Here is what we do not know:

-A LOT.  To name a few things:

-If we will be able to adopt from Ethiopia.

-When we will know anything definite.

-How long this process will take, if it continues at all.

-How much more God will need to provide if we do have to switch countries.  This would mean a loss of some, if not all, fees we have already paid.  

Here is what we do know:

-This was no surprise to God.  He is still in sovereign control. (Ephesians 1:11)

-Jesus Christ is still holding all things together. (Colossians 1:17)

-God is working all of this together for our good, to conform us into the image of Christ. (Romans 8:28-29).

-God will provide. (Philippians 4:19)

-Things happen on His timetable.  Not ours.  He knows the right time. (Romans 5:6)

-We need a lot of wisdom. 

We are currently pleading with you to pray for the adoption process in Ethiopia.  Pray that adoptions will continue and that the many orphans will know the joy and love of a forever family.  Also pray that God will shower us with His wisdom.  He asks us to ask Him for it, and He promises to give it to us.  “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5).  We are praying in faith, knowing that God will supply us with His wisdom!  Will you join us?

The Lord led me to this passage today.  Paul was writing to the church at Corinth and said, “Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death.  But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.  He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us.  On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.  You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many” (II Corinthians 1:9-11).

I just know that although this feels like a kiss of death, God will bring life to us!  We set our hope on Him.  And as we all pray together, even more thanksgiving will be offered to God when we see the pieces come together.  You see that?  Through this situation, God is going to get even more glory!!!  AMEN.  Isn’t He good?!!

Lastly, I want to share something with you.  Can I just tell you how thankful I am that we don’t have to worry about this situation?  It is so freeing to not have to worry.  I have tears in my eyes (and for those that know me well, you know what a big deal that is), just thinking about how amazing our heavenly Father truly is.  I am so thankful for Him.  So thankful for His grace.  So thankful that He called me.  So thankful that He is my constant protector and the shield about me.  So thankful that He loves me and reveals Himself to me.  I did nothing to deserve that.  Yet, He continually showers me with His riches in Christ Jesus.

Among the big lessons that God has been teaching me over the last several months, one is His sovereignty and the other is worry.  I love reading Matthew 6 and seeing that GOD KNOWS.  I do not have to worry about this adoption because I have a sovereign heavenly Father who has ordained this trial and I am confident of His promise that He is working it together to conform me into the image of Christ.  He knows the beginning, the middle and the end of our adoption story.  He knows who our daughter is, and He knows where she is.  Ethiopia?  India?  China?  He knows.  Why worry when the Creator of the universe has it under control and wants the best for me?  He will reveal His plan in His time.  We must simply ask for His wisdom and obey accordingly.

Please do not misunderstand this as passivity. 

It certainly is not. 

As we are trusting in Him, we are praying and seeking His wisdom.  We are looking into other options. 

We are not sitting in idleness. 

But we are standing in confidence in our God.  He is mighty!

Our Adoption FAQ and a Few Other Things

We have had several people ask about our adoption lately, so here is an update and my attempt to answer the FAQ. 

**If you have any more questions about our adoption or adoption in general, we are always happy to talk about it!  We love talking adoption.  And we have lots we could talk about, so just be ready if you ask.**

Do you have a little girl yet?

NOPE.   We are around #13 on the “waiting list.”

When do you think you will bring her home?

I HAVE NO IDEA.  Really, I don’t.  From the time of referral (when you are matched with your child) to homecoming it is typically about 8 months, but anything can change at any time.  And, we don’t even have a referral.  So, I have no idea.

How old will she be?

I HAVE NO IDEAish.  We have asked for a girl between the ages of 10 months and 4 years.  It could be anywhere in that window.

Isn’t it really expensive?

Well, YES.  YES, IT IS.   

Do you have the money?

NOPE.  But, praise the Lord that we are almost 2/3 of the way to our estimated expenses!  We still have a little over $10,000 left to meet our goal.  Thank you to all of you who have given!  We cannot say that enough!

Are you excited to have a little girl, finally?!

YES!!! but TERRIFIED would probably be a better word!  Ha!  We have no idea what we will do with a girl.  But, God led us this way so He must have a plan to teach us.  I am excited to learn.

Are the boys excited?

YES.  They pray for her, talk about her, draw pictures of her, and want to buy her things in the store with Mommy and Daddy’s money.

Is the wait hard?

WANT THE HONEST, HONEST TRUTH? 

Let me just camp out here for a minute or ten…

I can in absolute honesty say right now “no.”  There are a couple of reasons for this, but the primary reason right now is the LORD.  I feel as though the last few months God has overwhelmed me with His sovereignty.  My own personal study, the lessons I have taught my small group, the discussions I have facilitated with my Precepts class—in all of it He has a megaphone to my heart saying, “I know and I’ve got this!”  (I could talk your arm off about this and show you verse after verse after verse.)

I have basked in His absolute authority over EVERY.SINGLE.THING. in all of creation. 

This has brought such comfort to me in the adoption process.  Yes, I am excited to have our daughter home, but more than that, I am excited for what God is going to do.  And He is certainly working just as much now as He will then.  I know that His plan is the best and He holds everything in His hands.  He knows the exact right time and there is nothing that anyone can do to thwart His plan.  After all, the Israelites waited hundreds of years for their Messiah, yet God did not send Him “until the fullness of time.”  And it was “at the right time” that Christ died for the ungodly. 

Beloved, He knows the right time because He invented time.  “My times are in His hands” (Psalm 31:15).  He “holds my lot” (Psalm 16:5).  “Does not he see my ways and number all my steps?” (Job 31:4).  He knows.  My heavenly Father knows (Matthew 6:8, 32).

God has shown me that He controls all things and He ordains my steps.  He promises that for those who love Him, all things work together for our good, to conform us into the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29).  I can trust Him with the timing and the financial aspects of this adoption because He is sovereign over all of it and He promises that He will work it together for my good and His glory.  What more could I ask for?  As Job said, “Who can contend with the Almighty?”! 

This is what He encouraged me with yesterday as I studied:

As a follower of Christ I know that God has control of every circumstance (Daniel 4:35) and He has promised that He works ALL of them together for my good (Romans 8:28).  Therefore, I should have no trouble being thankful in every circumstance (I Thessalonians 5:18) because God will use it for my good.  I can be joyful for the trial because it is perfecting my faith (James 1:2-4) and making me more like Christ (Romans 8:29).

I am so thankful that God’s Word is living and active!  I am thankful that He speaks to me.  I am thankful that He comforts me with His promises and that I can rest in His sovereignty.  This is no way makes everything in life “easy” but there is joy despite circumstance. 

Like I said, His sovereignty is the primary reason.  There is also just downright practical.  We have four boys that keep us busy.  I am enjoying this time with them because I know that when she comes home, our lives will be in absolute upheaval for an unknown amount of time.  And I do mean upheaval.  Having gone through this once before, we know what we are getting into.  The first year home from Aiden and Asa was the toughest year of my life.  And trust me when I say that I am not running to go back there.  We know that this time will be different, but we know that there are going to be many sleepless nights, tantrums, absolute melt-downs, communication frustrations and just plain ole adjustment.  And there are 7 people who will be adjusting.  It’s messy and it gets ugly.  In the spirit of honesty, I am not “excited” about the ugly part.  Adoption is hard.  Beautiful and hard and absolutely worth it.

*****Disclaimer: There is a lot more pain in the waiting when you have a referral.  When you are the legal parents of a child who is across the world and you cannot get to him or her, it is much harder.  Your heart aches because a piece of it is in another country and you cannot do anything about it.  Your family is “missing” a member.  This does not nullify the sovereignty of God.  There are times when you know something to be true, but just don’t “feel” it, and that is when you have to lead your feelings in truth and try to reign in the crazy.  There is cause for deeper trust in His timing and relying on His comfort while you rest in His absolute goodness no.matter.what.

So Faithful

I am about two seconds away from changing the name of this blog to: God is Real and Faithful, Here's Another Piece of Evidence.  BOOM. 

Can I just give you a little insight into the last few days/week?

 Kenneth's car (that God provided for us for $1) was starting to cost more and more to fix.  We knew that we were going to need something.  We have spent weeks and weeks searching for something in our price range, and refusing to take on a monthly car payment.  If I could show you our budget you would straight up laugh at us just like every car dealer did (save one).  But, of course, God provided what we needed when we needed it.  Kenneth bought a car on Thursday.

Since then, I have felt a little nervous about the finances.  Any time I write a check over $25 I think I am going to puke.  I would not say that I have been "worried" but more like, "Okay God.  I trust you.  But, you realize you are going to have to big time provide for us, right?  Okay.  Well, I'll wait.  Looking forward to when you do your thing."

I have been having to fill out some paperwork that requires me to look at our adoption expenses in addition to our monthly expenses.  This with every bit of money to our name.  It makes me sweat, not gonna lie.  Immediately I think of cost of groceries, clothes, unexpected expenses, doctor visits, etc.  The list swirls and swirls in my head.  Then adding one more to that.  A girl.  I hear they are a lot more expensive.  I start thinking, "Okay, what are we going to cut out?  Food?  Electric?  Toilet paper?"  I then start going down the path, "What if our van broke?"  "What if..."  Almost instantaneously I forcibly have to stop myself.   (Does this happen to anyone else, or just me?) 

I have to stop listening to the worries.
And start speaking Truth.

I have to stop going down the "what if"s.
And start going straight to God's Word.

If I did not, I would drown in a sea of worry and doubt.  I would live in fear.  I would shut down.  This adoption would not be happening.

This adoption is not logical...at all.
It is a ginormous leap of faith.  For so many reasons.  And, trust me, the devil has thrown out every possible dart I can think of at this point to try to discourage me and shut this down.

I have been praying so frequently for God's provision.  Praying that I would be meek, trusting in Him.  Praying that I would be righteous and crave His righteousness.  Praying that our family would be used for His glory...to do whatever, whenever, wherever.  I just want to please Him.

During my time with the Lord today I was reading Matthew 5-7 (part of an incredible Precept Upon Precept study I am doing....you should check it out).  These words really stuck out to me:

"Your Father knows."

It was as if the Lord was piercing me right to the core.  "Kristy, I know.  I know what you need."

Twice in Matthew 6 we see the words "Your Father knows."  This among a whole chunk of Scripture specifically about worry.  Of which the Lord has already spoken to me about.  "Worry only about serving Me.  I will take care of your life while you serve Me.  What you worry about reveals where your treasure is.  Treasure Me."

I felt so at peace. 
So much comfort knowing that my Heavenly Father knows.  He knows better than me.

And wouldn't you know?  Before I even closed my Bible, Kenneth sent me a message telling me that someone was going to give us $500 for our adoption!

And then this afternoon I opened my e-mail to find a congratulatory message from a grant agency, awarding us a substantial size grant for our adoption!

With these two donations, along with what has already been given, we are a little more than half-way to our estimated adoption expenses!

Just like that.

Isn't He so good? 
So kind. 
So merciful. 
So faithful.

Pieces of Fruit

I am often amazed by the work of the Spirit in Noah's life.  That child loves God's Word!  His knowledge of the Bible is astounding.  At six, he knows so much.  He can recall Bible stories in detail that I am pretty sure most people in the church wouldn't be able to remember.  He can recite 50 catechisms.  He weeps over sin.  He understands that we need to tell people about Jesus (and he does).  He is fascinated by the nations.  He just seems to "get" it. 

This is how Noah falls asleep most nights.  Reading his Bible.  Melt.my.stinkin.heart.

Can I tell you the weight I feel with this child? 
The responsibility. 

Knowing that God has entrusted this child to me.  Knowing that it is my responsibility (and privilege) to train this child to fear the Lord.  Knowing that I must cultivate this love for God and show him what walking by faith really looks like?  And knowing that I mess up so very often. 

It can be quite overwhelming.
All of this times four (and, Lord willing, times five).

There are times when I wonder if my boys will love Jesus.  I pray they do.  And I know that I cannot control that.  I just need to guide them and leave it in God's sovereign hands.  But sometimes, if I am honest, I get discouraged.  While Noah seems to get it, most days, the others do not.  I question if Noah has this passion because for two years we poured so much into him, and we haven't had as much one on one time with the other three. 

Although I know it is not beneficial to blame myself and wonder if my short-comings are the reason, I find myself doing it.  I find myself thinking, "Well, if you would just do more...."  I quickly realize that that is the enemy talking to me.  Trying to make me feel like I can control the salvation of my children.  Trying to make me feel discouraged and like all hope is lost because I've blown it already.

The truth is that each of us has a unique relationship with the Lord, and my children will be no different.  I need to pray that each of them has their own real, passionate relationship with Christ that does not have to fit into some mold (other that what we see in Scripture, of course).

The truth is that God is the one who calls people to salvation.  There is no amount of "working" I can do to save my children.  I can certainly train them in the fear and admonition of the Lord, showing them what authentic faith looks like and loving Jesus in front of them every single day.  But, ultimately,  their salvation is in God's hands.

The truth is that what we sow may not be reaped for many, many years.  The seeds I am planting every single day may not yield a lot of fruit immediately.  And I must persevere.  I must not grow weary of doing good.

And God is ever so gracious in allowing me to see tiny pieces of fruit that delight my heart.
Like tonight when Aiden prayed that Emily, a young girl who recently died of cancer, would have a good day in heaven with Jesus.  And that God would bring his sister home safely.
Or when Asa and Nathan were playing in the living room this afternoon singing "Amazing Grace."
Or when Nathan prayed that Charlie, a girl his age who is sick with cancer, would feel better and open her heart to Jesus.

Oh, thank you Lord.  I long to see the day when my children are madly in love with Christ!

Our Status

Life has been pretty hectic over the last few months.  I wanted to give a quick update on the adoption for those of you who may be wondering.

We have finished all the paperwork we can do!  Our dossier has been authenticated and sent off (which feels about equivalent to shipping off your first born child).  Our application with USCIS is sent off, currently being processed, and we are waiting to hear whether the US government says it is okay for us to classify an orphan as an immediate relative (which feels like those agonizing minutes between peeing on the pregnancy stick and waiting to see if you are pregnant). 

Now we have entered into the long tunnel of wait for a referral (when you actually get the picture and medical information of the child you will adopt) .  We have requested a little girl between the ages of 8 months and 4 years at the time of referral.  We are open to minor, correctable special needs-which also includes things that we do not classify as special needs but are considered special needs in some countries (like a burn mark or scar for example).

In the mean time we plan to apply for grants, sell some adoption t-shirts, and take care of the hoodlums we currently have.  :) 

SALES PLUG ALERT: Below is a picture of us with our matchy-matchy adoption shirts.  We are selling them for $20 each.  They come in toddler, youth and adult sizes.  In red (as seen here) or in blue.  Contact me if you are interested in helping us bring our girl home.

  

Lesson from a Yard Sale, Part 2

RECAP from last post: We had an adoption yard sale.  Huge blessings.  God is awesome.  Within two days of tithing from the yard sale, He then provided us more than we made at the entire yard sale!  We are about 1/8 of the way there with the fundraising for the adoption.  If you want a testimony of His faithfulness, check out the last post. 

Among all the blessings that God so graciously lavished upon us at the yard sale, He taught me a great deal.  As I said in the last post, God and I had a little discussion about the yard sale being donation only.  I was concerned that people would take advantage, that they would walk away and not give us any money at all.  ...And I was right.  We put out multiple signs and told all who came that the items were not priced but we asked that they give a fair donation for our adoption in exchange for the items. 

Most of the people were very nice and encouraging.  Kenneth was able to share the gospel with a few men, one of whom brought his entire family to church the next day!  I was able to talk with an older gentleman who had a great ministry going to some men in a trailer park.  Other people were amazed by the adoption.  Some people paid $10 for a pair of shoes or and old volleyball.  Some paid for items but then gave a little more with a huge smile.  It was a great experience and wonderful opportunity to share the gospel.

However, there were a few circumstances that *really* *really* tested my sanctification.  All on day 1, mind you.  1) There were some who worked for a consignment store.  When they found out that our sale was by donation only, they greatly took advantage.  One even said to me, "Well, I will sell this for $6.  I am going to give you $3."  She continued to gather the items that most people search for and loaded boxes into her car.  She did give us some money, but not really.  2) Someone paid a small price for a nice riding toy that our dear friends so graciously donated.  Not even an hour later when our friend drove by the consignment store, the same exact riding toy (identified by unique stickers)  was out front.  3) Another lady gathered several large boxes, packed with things, and then paid us $3.  She even said, "I don't even need all this stuff."  4) Someone gathered about four large boxes of things.  Asked my husband to help her pack all of it in her car because she couldn't carry it.  I do not exaggerate when I say that he had to make multiple trips to her car.  I watched him shut the trunk and then she just drove off!  Did not pay a cent.

Numbers 3 & 4 did me in.  I was so angry.  Not because I felt that they had taken money from me (remember, these were NOT my things in the first place), but because they had such a hard heart.  To know that someone is trying to raise money to bring home a child who doesn't have a family, and then to take advantage..that is what I struggled with.  I prayed over and over in my mind.  "Lord, help me to see what You are doing here.  Help me trust You.  Help me not be so angry.  Lord, please, help me!  Lord, let me see this with Your eyes.  Vengeance is yours, I know I need to leave this up to you.  Payment is not mine to exact.  Lord, I just hope those people needed those things (except in the case of the woman who said she didn't.....No!  Her too!  Her too!  Uggg!).  If we could minister to them by letting them just take all this stuff, then so be it.  That is okay.  Well, I want it to be okay.  This is silly that I am even worked up.  You are in control. "  And I am going to admit, I did ask God to convict them of what they had done.  But I am pretty sure my motives weren't the nicest.  Not at first anyways.

And just when the blood pressure finally settled down...  I kid you not.  Offenders #3 & 4 returned!  And brought friends!  Here is a glimpse of my immediate inner dialogue, "Um, Lord, are you kidding me right now?!  What are you doing here?  You are obviously trying to teach me something.  And help me to learn this lesson quickly.  Open my eyes to see what you are doing.  I don't think I can handle this.  Are you really going to let them do this...again?!  Did they not take enough!"  And all I really heard the Spirit say was, "Kristy, calm down.  You let me handle this.  Do you not trust me?"  At that point I needed to go into the house and let Kenneth handle #3 & 4. 

As we were heading home that afternoon Kenneth and I were talking about the day.  All the highlights and blessings, and all the situations I enumerated above.  My heart began to get really sad for those people.  I thought about why they acted that way, how their hearts could be so hard.  And I knew it was because they did not really know Jesus.  They had never come to grips with the fact that they are great sinners in need of a great Savior.  That this life is not about accumulating wealth, but about treasuring Christ, the One who gave them life. 

I then began to pray that they would be convicted.  Convicted about their sin.  I prayed that they would realize that they have sinned against a holy, righteous God and that they deserve His wrath.  And I prayed that they would come to Christ.  That they would know that Christ died on the cross to take the wrath of God that they deserve.  He put the full weight and penalty of our sin upon Himself so that through faith we might have His righteousness.  I prayed that they would get it.  And then I prayed that perhaps God would make a Matthew or Zacchaeus out of them.  As Zacchaeus confessed when he stood face-to-face with our righteous Judge "Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor.  And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold" (Luke 19:8). 

...And then God opened my eyes.
I felt the Spirit tenderly say, "How many times do you rob me (#3 &4 flashed before my eyes)?  How many times do you take my glory and give it to another? (#1&2 flashed before my eyes)"  Ouch.  My heart felt stabbed, like the Word of God had pierced me to the marrow.  I kept thinking about the prophecies of Malachi and Isaiah.  Those who were robbing God, those to whom God declared that He would not take His glory and give it to another.

And God continued, "How many times do you take my blessings and forget to praise me or thank me for them?  How often do you take what I have freely given to you and fail to repay me with your life?  I gave you my One and Only Son.  Your salvation was free.  Do you give me your life as a living sacrifice?  Do you think I owe you?  Everything you have I have given to you.  Do you not think that I would take care of you even if all of these things were taken?" 

Oh, how foolish of me!!  Is He not the Provider of all that I have, of all that gives me my false sense of comfort?  Is He not the One who gives me my very breath?  He owes me nothing!  I owe Him everything!  I share in His blessings and so often fail to put my whole life on the altar before Him!  I am wretch! 

At that point I went straight on my face and cried before the Lord.  Begging for His forgiveness.  Asking that He would remove the impurities in my heart.  Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me...

In almost an instant the Lord softy said, "I discipline those that I love.  I love you.  And I wanted to show you something about me and about you.  I wanted to bring you closer to Me."  That conversation with the Lord is sealed in my heart.  How gracious, and loving, and tender my Savior is.  I felt so loved and desired after feeling so ashamed of my sin.  He does not leave me to my own.  He wants me nearer and nearer to Him, and the closer I am, the sweeter He is to me, the more I hear His voice as if it is audible. 

I can honestly say that my time with the Lord that afternoon ended with me praising Him for bringing those people to our yard sale.  I felt inexpressible joy in the testing of my faith.  I knew that without those people, I would not have experienced God the way that I did.  There is no price you can put on that.